“I want to see the Loch Ness Monster.”
His teacher had told them a story about the monster in class. He had even drawn the monster and coloured it red, he said. The earnestness of it startled a real laugh out of her, small and rusty from disuse.
“We can try.”
He nodded eagerly now, all thoughts of bruises and bullies briefly forgotten.
“They say it’s big, with sharp teeth like needles."
“It probably eats naughty boys.”
His eyes widened, then narrowed suspiciously.
“You’re lying, Amma.”
“Maybe. Should you be worried if you’re good?”
He bent over the map immediately, ignoring that.
“Where is it?”
Asha searched slowly until she found the place.
“How about Inverness? We can take the bus to see Nessie,” she murmured.
The place sounded magical like it was made from silver and shimmered in the dark. Like a land of magical things like fairies and elves...and lake monsters. It also sounded unknown and perfect. They could just disappear and start over.
Tanay grinned at the map on the promised adventure.
And Asha realised suddenly that perhaps this was the first time in days that she had thought about something beyond surviving the next day without James. The pain was still there.
James’s face was still clear in her mind. The things they did together. How gentle he was, how kind. The promises she had dreamt of though she had no right. Her mum used to say, you can gift a person an elephant but you shouldn't ever give them hope.
A ball of thorns sat permanently beneath her ribs, making her bleed.
No, her agony still lived inside her. But she had clawed her way out of two disasters. She was not going to let a third one destroy all her hard work. She had a child to care for. She had to keep moving forward.
Tomorrow she would speak to Mavis and make a plan. Mavis would give her a letter of recommendation. Mavis had a soft heart.
Tanay traced one grubby finger across Scotland before suddenly asking—
“Amma?”
“Yes?”
“What’s a bastard?”
For a second, the sounds of the bus seemed to disappear. Asha turned slowly toward him. Tanay kept staring at the map as if it was a throwaway question. But with a sinking heart, she took in the tension in his shoulders and the way he drew his lips in.
Her heartbeat had become deafening.
“Why are you asking that?”
She was surprised her voice came out steady. He shrugged.
“Danny said it.” His small finger continued tracing roads absently. “He said I’m one because I don't have a father. He heard his mum tell his dad that.”
Asha felt physically sick.
