My alpha smelled so good.
“It took a long time before I was ready to trust again. How could I? He’d lied to my face for years. And I was wrong for questioning those lies because heloved me.”
My fingers curled into Craig’s shirt, and I took several deep breaths.
“I told myself that it wouldn’t happen again—that I wouldn’tletit happen again. And, at first, things seemed different. The next relationship seemed to go at what I’d always heard was anormal rate. Things went from casual to serious in a few months, then he told me he loved me.”
I sighed. “The trap was the same, but different. The words were to keep me there, but also to make me responsible for his emotions.”
I felt so safe in Craig’s arms—like I could finally let go.
“His family,” I chuckled, “they were actually nice. I got the sense that they badgered him into meeting as much as I did. They lived out of state, but every time we’d go visit, his mama made sure she made my favorite dessert. His dad loved asking about whatever I was working on, and his teen sister insisted I go shopping with her cause most of her friends were female alphas, and sometimes she just wanted another omega’s eyes when picking clothes.
“Him and I though… Things moved forward, but in weird ways. His roommate moved out about a month before my lease was due to end. We’d been together about six months, so it was a good time to move in together. But rather than combine things, we sold only my stuff since his was already there. When his old cat pissed on the couch one too many times, instead of redecorating with both our tastes in mind, we replaced the couch so that it matched the rest of his things.”
I shook my head. “We could afford to replace everything, and I wanted to since some of his older pieces were literally falling apart. Eventually, he won. It was his space, notourspace. But later on, he’d point to the couch as something we bought together.
“Eventually, I started to feel like normal couple things were a series of checkboxes to him. I love you… check. Meet the family… check. Move in together… check. Things to make it seem likethe relationship was moving forward, while avoiding the major topics. We’d go on a romantic vacation whenever I started wanting to talk about mating and kids, then he’d say that we’d just had the vacation and I was still basking in those feelings, and we’d discuss it later. Whenever I started to feel like things were stagnating, he’d either check off another box or pull out the ‘I love you, and I can’t be happy without you’ card.”
Craig hissed in a breath.
“It’s a heavy weight,” I whispered. “Protecting my own emotions became a selfish act.”
He kissed my hair. “I’m so sorry.”
I sniffled again. “I hung on, for far too long. Another day… week… month. I told myself he’d get there—that he’d be ready. He couldn’t be happy without me, after all. That surely meant he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. But soon enough, things stagnated, and there were no more new checkboxes. Friends would ask when we were going to get mated, or if I was pregnant yet. Then I’d get the pitying look when they realized that he had avoided the topic again.”
I fully relaxed against my alpha. “It was Kerry who finally got me to open my eyes. He made me admit that if he’d wanted to be mated—have kids—then we’d have already been moving in that direction.”
I swallowed. “That if he really loved me, then what I wanted would matter, too.”
Craig’s arms tightened around me.
“It hurt to face the lies, and my heart shattered when he mated only a few months after I left. He never loved me. I was convenient, nothing more.
“If he’d wanted to mate me, he would have. And he did want to mate the next man.”
I shook my head into his chest. “Every time… the strings would eventually show.”
A hiccup as the tears started to flow. “I wanted it so badly. Who doesn’t want to be loved? But it always came with a price… always.”
“Baby…” he murmured against my hair. “I’m here. Let it out.”
It was the permission I’d never known I needed. I couldn’t help it as I started sobbing into his chest.
The weight of every false declaration and the burden they carried started to lift—as did the fear that they were the only ways I’d hear those words.
I sobbed until my tears ran dry and my head hurt from the dehydration. I clung to my alpha as more than a decade of fear that I would never be the man chosen started to dissolve.
I was wrung out—exhausted. It was like my body wanted to sleep for a week. But I felt lighter, too.
Craig held me close through it all—only shifting after the tears had dried.
“Randy?” he murmured. “Can I get you something to drink? You cried for a long time, you’ve got to be feeling it.”
I nodded and pushed up from his chest, making room for him to get off the couch.
He walked to the kitchen and returned a moment later with a glass of water—which I downed.
