“Paranoid, dramatic, oversensitive, ‘I didn’t mean it like that, and you know it.’ At some point, you know it’s wrong, but the fight if you argue is worse.”
He pulled me closer into his side.
“In my world… ‘I love you’ from an alpha has always come with strings attached. There was always something expected of me.” My hands trembled where they were still clasped between my knees. “The first time an alpha ever said it to me, I didn’t feel it back. Not yet anyway. But he’d said it, and made it clear that he wanted me to say it back.”
I shook my head. “I wasn’t there yet, but there weresomefeelings. So I told myself that it was ok, I’d get there, and I said it back. But it only took a few days for the strings to appear. He loved me, I loved him—I said so—and people who loved each other had sex.”
I sighed. “It wasn’t even that I didn’t want sex. I did. I was a horny teenager, too. But we hadn’t even discussed it before then. That first declaration of love was used as a wedge to force a door open—one that didn’t need to be forced.”
I turned enough to take a deep breath of Craig’s calming scent.
“It was the worst around the two heats I had while we were together. I’d gotten on birth control after a couple scares when he’d neglected to put on a condom, after which he’d gotten even more lax about them. He said he loved me, so it was his job to take care of me for my heat. But I wanted that extra layer of protection, and I didn’t trust him to use the condoms. So I refused.”
I chuckled. “As if he had a plan forhowto help me through my heat anyway. Sneaking in sex when we were both still living with our respective parents was already weird enough. There’s no hiding a heat, and he wasn’t the type to splurge on a hotel room—which would have been equally awkward to explain.”
Craig echoed my chuckle then kissed my head again.
I closed my eyes and blew out a long breath.
My alpha had me.
“The relationship didn’t last long after that second heat,” I continued with a sigh. “The words turned from a way to get me into bed, to a means of guilting me for not letting him fuck me through that. Then a new omega started at our school—a prettier omega. It was only a couple of days before… well…”
Craig squeezed my upper arm. He understood, I didn’t need to tell him about the public confrontation, nor about how Jessie had gotten herself in trouble for me.
I took a moment to compose my thoughts before continuing. “I wish I could say that I knew better when I got into another relationship. But, somehow, it happened again… andthe words were twisted even more. They weren’t just used to get sex or other actions, but to get me to question myself.”
I licked my lips. “I was in college. He seemed sweeter—more attentive. And… I thought things were going somewhere. But there were always excuses as to why I couldn’t meet his family, or why we couldn’t do things together during breaks. Social media wasn’t as big then, but he didn’t want to talk about our relationship online. He’d get upset if I posted photos of us together, and I was asked to take them down more than once.”
I huffed a laugh. “He said he was just a private man. When I asked about family, he said it just wasn’t the right time, or that there was drama and we needed to let it settle. More than once, I told him I felt like a dirty little secret, but he told me he loved me, so it made no sense to feel like that.
“And I wasn’t completely hidden from his world, at least not the people on campus. We went on dates or to parties. I met people he claimed were his friends. But…”
I sighed.
“But?” Craig prodded after a moment.
“I really was a dirty little secret. He had an omega waiting for him in his hometown, and nobody there knew I existed. He’d be almost overbearing in the days before leaving or returning, talking about how hard it was without me for even a few days. But he… loved me… so he was protecting me from drama, or his family judging the relationship, or so many other excuses.”
I shuddered.
“He was so attentive in private that I believed him. I was the one in the wrong for wanting those milestones, and had to trust him that he’d know when the right time was. I was wrong forwanting to celebrate our relationship on social media… because his family could see, and that could cause drama.
“He loved me… so why would he hide me?”
“Baby,” Craig murmured, kissing my hair.
“His family came out for graduation. I was excited, I thought I’d finally meet my future in-laws. Instead, I met the omega he was supposed to mate, and the alpha I loved stared at me like I was something to be despised. I was crazy. I was obsessed. I had been rejected and was trying to ruin his life. His friends snickered in the background. Everybody knew except me.
“He told me that he loved me for two years, then as soon as I was no longer convenient, he discarded me.”
I sniffled and unclasped my hands long enough to wipe away a tear.
“Come here,” Craig murmured, shifting to tug me into his arms again.
I went willingly, settling into the warmth of his embrace.
His hand rubbed up and down my back.
