“None of your damn business,” I snapped.I didn’t mean to be so harsh, but I was in a foul mood.
Elena’s face crumpled, and then she lashed back.“Look, I don’t care if you were out messing around with Darion and it got a little rough.”
My jaw dropped.I must have really riled her up, and I needed to defuse the situation before it got out of hand.
“Hey, I didn’t mean to shout,” I said.“I’m sorry.It was a terrible night, and it’s complicated.”
“But you’re not going to tell me what happened,” she said.It wasn’t a question.
My only reply was a sigh.
“Youwereout with Darion, weren’t you?”
“No…” I said, then shook my head.“I mean, yes.He was there.Just not in the way you think.”
“Did you kiss him?”
“Kind of.But it was just a peck.”
“So what happened?”she said, her face softening.“You know I’m not a kid anymore.I understand more than you think.”
“You’re right,” I said.“You’re not a kid.He and I got separated.And I’m not sure what happened to him after that.”
“Separated in the catacombs.”
“How in the dust—” I blurted.
“You sometimes talk in your sleep,” she said with a shrug.When I stood there, speechless, she continued, “I know you have your secrets and that you think it’s important to keep them from me.I’ve learned to live with that, but I want you to know that when you’re ready to share them, I’m ready to hear them.”
Elena was growing up faster than I ever could have predicted.Maybe shewasready to hear more.But I didn’t know how to start.There were just too many secrets, and once I started, I wasn’t sure how I’d stop.And what if she didn’t understand my motives or disagreed with what I was doing?My primary goal had always been to protect her and make a safe home for us outside the city, and I couldn’t let anything jeopardize that.
I just couldn’t handle being honest at that moment.I wasn’t ready.
“We don’t want to be late for the market,” I said.
Elena shook her head, her lips pressed tightly together, and walked away.
The entire day, I searched the crowd for that mop of curly brown hair and those emerald eyes.That coy smile—slightly sarcastic but friendly—was sure to sneak up on me when I least expected it.But each time I thought I saw him, it was somebody else.
He didn’t show up, not that day or the next.
With each day that passed, I felt worse, sure that his blood was on my hands.
Every time the bell rang, I stared up at the massive Citadel Clock, knowing that it was the next destination in the Emberlight Trials.But what would that knowledge cost me?Was Darion’s life the price?
I felt unmoored.Between being banned from Garrick’s tavern, my concern over Darion’s fate, and the uncertainty that I was even worthy of joining the Order of Emberlight, I felt like my whole life was caving in on me.
Each day, I walked by the Bleeding Oak on the off chance that I might see Darion.Each night, I headed down to the Lantern Mile and stopped by the Last Lantern, where I had bumped into him on that fateful night.But each time I came up empty.
I also stopped by Mrs.Crowe’s potion shop each night to ask her more about the ozone-and-citrus smell and what it had to do with Emberborn.But each time, her shop was shut up tight with no lights on and no sounds coming from within.
On the third day after the catacombs, Elena confronted me.“Cas, I’m worried about you.I want to help.”
“I don’t think there’s much you can do.There’s not muchanyonecan do.”
Elena frowned.“Well, just promise me you won’t do anything stupid.Okay?”
“I’ll try, Elena.”
