It doesn’t help that he suddenly transformed into this adorable guy. I keep catching myself looking at him. His captivating eyes. His cute little nose. He’s smiling a lot more now, which brightens his entire face. Even the change of clothes after his shower is a big improvement. His old ones were dirty and frumpy, hanging on his body. Now, he’s wearing well-fitting blue jeans that accentuate his butt. And his T-shirt clings tighter to his slender frame. When he lifts his arms to take on and off his backpack, his shirt lifts, showing off his stomach.
But mostly, what that’s doing is dredging up feelings about Marcus, which I’ve been quite successful at burying. Until Zach, that is. In the last couple of days, Marcus has occupied more of my mind, forcing me to relive those terrible memories.
My original plan to strike off alone is still the best bet. The longer Zach stays with me, the more risk we are to each other. He’s in danger as long as he’s with me. And if I have to make hard choices, it’ll be tougher with another person around. So it has to happen.
If this car thing works out, I’ll stick around long enough to find another working car. Then we go our separate ways. He won’t be happy. But that can’t factor into my decision. He’ll have to adapt.
The shadows are getting long when we finally make it to the campground. It’s deep in the woods, off an unpaved Forest Service road. Zach was right. It feels remote, and we should be safe here for the night. It’ll be nice to have well water and vaulted toilets. Much better than having to boil water and dig holes in the woods.
I’m still nervous about being right in the campground, so I convince Zach to set up a few hundred feet into the woods. We find a nice flat spot for our tents, butting up to a massive boulder with a slightly concave side. As I dig into my backpack, I’m impressed by all the things Zach packed for us. For tonight, I take out an ultralight tent and chair, a bedroll, a lightweight sleeping bag, a small pot for cooking, a dehydrated meal pack, and fire-making tools.
“Wow, you really know how to pack a backpack, Zach.”
“Felix and I used to go backpacking for a week at a time. We had plans to do the Pacific Crest Trail at some point.”
“You must miss him a lot, huh?”
“Yeah—I do.”
Of course, he misses his boyfriend. Another reason to keep personal entanglements to a minimum. Getting in the way of his feelings for his true love is cruel. Even if we both know there’s a good chance Felix is no longer alive. Until he knows, acting on any feelings for me would be like him cheating on his boyfriend.
After we set up the tents and chairs, we risk a small, smokeless fire and warm up some water to rehydrate our meals. We mostly sit in silence throughout dinner.
Zach’s face is lit gently by the campfire light. He looks miles away. Probably thinking about Felix. I’m hit with this unexpected pang of jealousy.Where the hell did that come from? He turns and sees me staring at him. My instinct is to look away, but after looking down for a moment, I force my gaze back. We both watch each other for a bit with relaxed faces and warm smiles. No agenda. Just liking each other’s company.
What in the hell am I doing? Am I falling for him? Every instinct tells me this is a bad idea. But the feeling in the pit of my stomach says otherwise.
“Hey.” Zach breaks the silence. “You do know, when I’m sitting around a campfire, I can’t resist singing.”
“Zach, I would love to hear your amazing voice again.”
Zach’s face lights up with a big smile. It’s so sweet I can’t help but laugh.
“You’re so good at harmony,” Zach says. “Do you know ‘The Sound of Silence’?”
“I love that song. But you have to do Garfunkel. I can’t hit those notes.”
“You got it. I’ll sing the intro.”
Zach’s amazing voice rings out. His pitch is perfect, and his incredible timbre seems to hug every note. I almost hate to sing over that extraordinary voice. But when we hit the first verse, I come in with the harmony, and the notes combine beautifully.
At the end of the first verse, I close my eyes and let the music fill my entire consciousness. At this moment, I feel nothing but joy.
*
ZACH
The music we make together is so beautiful. Aiden said he wasn’t ready for new attachments. But isn’t it too late already? I saw the way he kept checking me out. And man, it was exciting. Every time I caught him looking my way, I had to fight back a smile. I haven’t felt this way about somebody in a very long time.
The flickering firelight dances on his face. His eyes are closed, and he focuses on the notes. I want to get close to him so our voices can blend more thoroughly. So I scoot my chair over until I’m right next to him. His lips form into a smile as I do. We’re almost touching.
When we get to the end of the song, Aiden opens his eyes, and I see nothing but joy. He looks straight into my eyes. I so desperately want to kiss him.
But then, his face transforms. The joy changes to something almost like fear. He turns his face to the fire and takes quick and shallow breaths. His fists clench, and he shuts his eyes tightly.
“Aiden?”
His face looks pained. When I reach out to touch his shoulder, he shrinks away from my hand as if it burns him.
