“Sorry, you just—” I can’t speak properly. “You—um—you clean up nicely.”
“Thanks. The candles are nice.”
“Oh, thanks.” The change of subject is welcome. I rub my hand on the back of my neck. “I hope it’s not too visible from outside. Oh, and I found some pasta we can make tonight.”
But then I stare at the spaghetti noodles spread all over the floor and start picking them up.
“Never let a little dirt get in the way of some dinner, right?” I say with an awkward laugh.
“Right.”
EverythingI do feels awkward, so I get up to leave. “Okay, gonna go shower.”
“Hey.” Zach looks at me and taps his finger on his cheek. “You owe me. Remember?”
Now it’s my turn to blush. I head over and kiss his cheek. Then I scurry off to the bathroom.
“Have a nice shower.” Zach gives me a little wave as I walk away.
It’s not like me to get that worked up over a guy. In fact, since Marcus died, I haven’t allowed myself to get distracted by guys at all. When I’m attracted to someone, I immediately shut the feelings down. Have nothing to do with them. But Zach came in like a stealth missile. His frazzled appearance fooled me into a sense of complacency. I mean, I already like him as a friend. I care enough that I risked the mission to protect him. But I saw himonlyas a friend. Never anything more.Right?
I’m a little ashamed of my reaction, honestly. Am I so superficial that my feelings can change that fast? Maybe Iwasfeeling something for him, but seeing him cleaned up nudged me over the edge. And boy, am I over that edge. I can’t stop thinking about him.
Shit.
In the bathroom, I start the shower and undress. I run my dirty clothes under the showerhead, ringing out the dirt, and hang them up to dry. Plunging into the hot water, I relish the tingle of it cascading over my body. Weeks of dirt and grime wash down the drain. I scrub at the cuts and scrapes from the night in the forest, being sure to get all the dirt out.
As I wash, my mind drifts back to Zach, and I’m instantly hard.Ugh. I’m not ready for this kind of distraction. How could I ever be ready after losing Marcus? Given this world and my job, forming attachments is a bad idea. It’s a weakness.
I take care of my urges, which helps a little. But not much. When I’m done in the shower, I change into a new pair of clothes Zach packed in my backpack. Blue jeans and a flannel shirt. Not quite my style, but they fit well enough, and they’re clean, so that’s a major improvement.
When I enter the kitchen, Zach has dinner well underway. I survey the room. Candlelight. Pasta dinner. Secluded cabin. Oh god, did I set us up for a romantic date night?
He pauses cooking long enough to look me over.
“You clean up nicely too.” He’s got a little smirk on his face.
I’m having a hard time looking at him without blushing a bit. But I have to hit this head-on. I have to be honest but also set up boundaries.
I look Zach in the eye. “Hey, last night when you told me about wanting to find your boyfriend…”
“You like guys,” Zach says flatly. He’s always a step ahead.
“That would have been the right time to tell you. But yes. I’m gay.”
“Yeah, that got pretty obvious.” Zach lets out a little laugh.
I can’t help but laugh and smile too.
But a whiplash of emotions hits me as Marcus enters my mind, and I stop smiling. “Look, it’s complicated. You asked about Marcus. He was my boyfriend. I lost him to thefuckingInfection. And I’m not ready for any new attachments.” A tear streaks down my face. I wipe it away quickly.
“I’m so sorry to hear about Marcus.” Zach’s eyes are full of understanding and sorrow. He’s familiar with my kind of pain. The sadness in his eyes is the same I have in my heart.
*
ZACH
We finish dinner quietly, only talking a little about our plans for tomorrow. There’s another campsite I want us to get to. Hopefully, with a full day of hiking, we can find it before nightfall. We avoid talking about the elephant in the room. The one where we both clearly have a thing for each other.
