“Wardrobe?” Loretta cuts in, a laugh slipping out that has edges. “Sweetheart, I was dressing to kill when you were still picking out stickers. I don’t take fashion notes from someone who thinksformalmeans less glitter.”
“I do glitter,” Niki snaps. “I just don’t weaponize it.”
Loretta smiles, slowly. “If you’re not using it, what’s the point?”
Niki opens her mouth, then pauses. “Okay, that’s actually fair.”
I blink. “Did we just have some emotional growth?”
“Don’t push it,” they both say.
Watson sneezes like he agrees.
“Thrift store sequins don’t count,” Loretta sniffs.
“These are designer sequins!” Niki gestures at her outfit.
“Designer discount bin, maybe.”
Cooper glowers at them both. “Why do I feel like I just paid for front-row seats to this?” Cooper groans.
“Because you did,” I tell him. “Welcome to the main event. We’ll even let you tip the waiter.”
He frowns my way.
“Fine,” Loretta announces suddenly, her mood shifting like a summer storm. “I’ll try your little speed dating circus. But I have conditions.”
“Name them,” Niki says, surprised by the sudden cooperation.
“First, you help me prepare, but I choose my own outfit. These girls,” she gestures to her boobs, “have their own marketing department.”
No lies detected.
“Agreed,” Niki says with a shrug.
Cooper looks like he wants the ground to swallow him whole.
“Second,” Loretta Sagittarius continues, “you prep me, but if I spot a better angle, you’re benched.”
“Eh.” Niki shrugs. “Acceptable.”
“Third”—Cooper lifts a finger as he bursts into this conversation willingly—“Effie provides moral support and keeps Loretta from saying anything that might result in lawsuits.”
“Hey!” I protest. “When did I become part of this operation?”
“When you brought the dating guru,” Cooper points out. “You’re an accessory to whatever disaster happens next.”
“And fourth,” Loretta continues, “if this speed dating thing doesn’t work, I reserve the right to go back to my original plan of targeting recently widowed men at country club funerals.”
“Deal,” Niki says quickly, probably figuring that speed dating can’t possibly be worse than whatever Loretta’s funeral home strategy involves.
Watson looks between all of us like he’s not entirely sure what he just got signed up for, but he’s willing to commit as long as snacks are part of the deal.
“This should be interesting,” Cooper mutters, finishing his beer in one long gulp.
“Interesting?” Loretta grins, and it’s not entirely pleasant. “Honey, by the time I’m done with that speed dating event, half those men will be proposing marriage and the other half will be checking their life insurance policies.”
We order dinner, and I can’t help but think that July Fourth is shaping up to be more explosive than anyone planned.
