“Caroline?”
“You promised three weeks.”
She kept a distance between them.
“I still have two and a half more. Please let me sort this out. Please give me the time to do that.”
As he watched her hurry away, something she’d done worryingly often of late, he couldn’t help a drop of his heart.
Mr. Downy, it seemed, was right. Confessing his feelings had only made things worse.
Chapter Seven
“How was it I knew I would find you gazing forlornly out of a window?”
Despite Edward’s tone of light censure, Caroline did not change her posture nor her gaze. “I have had a great deal on my mind of late.”
“A great deal more than was necessary, if you ask me.”
“I didn’t ask you,” she pointed out.
He sat beside her on the window seat. “You have been playing least in sight this past week. Your absence has set Mother into hysterics and Father into hermitry in his library. Poor Tom has spent every waking hour of the past few weeks consoling a nearly frantic George. That leaves only me to run you to ground and say what needs to be said.”
She refused to meet his gaze. “Do not scold me, Edward. I am facing the entirety of my future. I have every right to be very careful about how I proceed.”
“I never said you did not. I only feel you ought to proceed with a perspective other than your own.” Edward leaned back against the window, apparently settling in for a long and drawn-out discussion. “Do not give me that perturbed look so soon, Caroline. I am an older brother, and I mean to fill that role quite thoroughly just now.”
“I suppose your thoughts couldn’t hurt.”
“Your confidence is overwhelming.” He used the dry tone that never failed to bring a smile to her face. “Allow me to explain what I have observed over the years. You have always known that your marriage would be an arranged one, undertaken with the purpose of saving the family from financial ruin. Realizing this, you found it best not to ever allow yourself to fall even the tiniest bit in love with anyone. Losing your heart, even an inch of it, to any young gentleman would only end with heartache, and you wisely guarded yourself against that.”
She silently nodded. She had been very careful with her affections and for the very reasons he’d stated. Courting heartbreak had never seemed a wise course of action.
“But, Caro, the mind and heart do not often discuss things as they ought. I realized a number of years ago that the walls you had painstakingly built around yourself had proven insufficient against the depth and sincerity of George’s regard.”
She pressed her cheek to the cool glass. “He told me he loves me.”
“He does. He has for at least five years now, quite possibly longer.”
“Can you not see how terrible that will make everything? He will expect me to love him in return, and I have never thought of him that way. He is my friend, my kind companion. What if I am unable to love him the way he wishes? He will be miserable, and I will be miserable in return.”
Edward tipped his head back, tossing his gaze at the ceiling. “You are being so uncharacteristically thick about this.”
Why was he scolding her?
“I remember your first assembly,” he said, “and the absolute relief on your face when you were told that I would stand up with you for the first set. You were grateful to not be required to undertake that harrowing moment with a complete stranger.” He looked at her once more. “But when you were told that George would be taking my place, it was not relief that I saw on your face, Caroline. Your very heart was in your eyes. I knew then that you loved him, but I didn’t realize thatyoudidn’t know that you did.”
“But I don’t. He is my friend. He is only my friend.” Why was it that the declaration brought a thickness to her throat and tears to her eyes?
“You have only ever allowed yourself to think of him in those terms. That is your sense of self-preservation. But, Caroline, you are no longer saving yourself from hurt, you are causing it.” He pulled her into a one-armed, very brotherly embrace. “You have been told all of your life that loving someone was a risk you dare not take. Sweet, little Caroline, you need to take that risk now. You have the opportunity to marry for love. Do you have any idea how rare that is?”
She leaned more heavily against him. “Surely you intend to marry for love.”
“Though our estate is now solvent, I have no expectations of ever having a true income. Tom is in an even worse position than I. He and I both know we will likely never marry. We’ve known it as long as you have known the state of your future. We have nothing to offer a lady, nothing to truly recommend us. Please do not throw away your opportunity because you are afraid.”
“I am not at all certain I am brave enough for this.”
He squeezed her shoulders. “You needn’t be afraid of George. He would move heaven and earth for you if he was able. Tell him of your worries and your fears, and he will hear you and love you and do all he can to walk this path with you. But you cannot begin that journey without this first step.”
