He glances over his shoulder. “Bring my treasure back.”
“What about my cat?” I ask, as if I need his permission to bring Oscar intomyhome.
I don’t think this overgrown lizard would eat him, would he? But even if he did want to eat him, what would I do about it? He easily overpowered me.
Who the hell can I call to fix a sexy, anthropomorphic reptile problem anyway? No one. There’s no one to call because this kind of thing isn’t real.
This doesn’t happen.
“The feline cannot touch my hoard, nor me. Now go. Fetch my Dick.”
Black liquid zips around his body in a tight whirlwind and he disappears, leaving only a splat of ink on the ground that quickly soaks into the floorboards, evaporating.
My mouth hangs open as I relive the past few insane minutes of my crazy life.
There’s a fucking Dragon in my bookshop.
seven
Te Ab Omni Malo Protego
Iretrieve Oscar and my suitcase in short order but as I’m sneaking out, Renee asks to see the lizard. I tell her it disappeared in the least convincing, not at all suspicious voice, and she looks at me kinda funny before I wave goodbye.
It’s notreallya lie. The lizard was gone, and the dragon manhaddisappeared in a blop of ink.
I head to the only place in town to get everything I need: Hanson’s. It’s a gas station, liquor, grocery, and clothing store.
I throw men’s boxer briefs, a t-shirt three pack, and a pair of black XL sweatpants in my cart. I move on to the pet aisle for a few cans of special wet food for Oscar since this is going to be a stressful time, and then find a bag of my favorite cheddar chickpea puffs. I’m just about to put a frozen meal in my cart when I realize that, A) there is no microwave and B) there is no electricity.
I groan and grab a package of protein bars, a bag of apples, and a jar of peanut butter. Then, since I remember there’s no electricity, I head down the home goods aisle and get a few candles, a lighter, and a throw blanket. I have a blow-up mattress and everything I need to sleep on it, but I have a feeling it’s going to get pretty cold tonight with no heat and old walls.
Lastly, I get a broom, trash bags, and a few other cleaning supplies to make the place a little more livable. Like a plunger…
Oh fuck.
I don’t know if there’s a toilet.
I’m going to have to pee in the bushes like a beast.
I take a deep breath and close my eyes.
“This is fine. Everything’s going to be fine.”
I mutter more vapid positivity to myself as I head to the checkout. There’s a boy who couldn’t be older than sixteen working the lane with a bored expression. His scowl grows with every item he scans, and he looks up at me in confusion at the end.
“Eighty-two fifty,” he says.
Cheese and rice.
I pull out my credit card, and he stops me.
“Oh, uh sorry, the machine’s down. Cash only.”
I grimace. “I don’t have any cash.”
He shrugs and pulls out a sheet of paper with hand-drawn lines in columns. “What’s your name?”
“Caitlin Kennedy?”
