My jaw trembles with emotion, but I hold it back. “I’ll do anything for her.”
She looks around at the hostile faces of the Gatlin family, who are most likely confused as to why I’m here and why their mother is allowing this, and then back to me. “I see that. Find a way to show her.”
Her hand drops and I turn, then walk through the doors of the ICU to do exactly what she asked me to do: bring Lark back and make this right.
Chapter 37
Tristan
The nurse shows me into Lark’s room. It’s silent except for the sounds of the machines beeping.
It’s steady, slow, and tells me she’s alive at least.
She’s so still. Lying there with her hands at her sides, a tube down her throat, and a bandage wrapped around her head.
My chest is so tight I feel as though it’s going to crack from the pressure of this moment. I take another step, and the nurse places her hand on my back. “You can go in, sit by her.”
“Is she…?” I start a question that could have many answers, and I’m afraid of each one.
I let her pick. To tell me something because I need some damn hope right now.
“She’s in a coma to allow her brain to rest.”
My breath hitches as I sink into the chair next to her. “A coma?”
“It’s to give her time to heal. To let the swelling come down without any additional trauma.”
There are moments in my life that I can recall in great detail. When Sadie was born and the moment the doctor placed her in my arms. I remember the smell of her skin. The sweet baby scent that filled my nose and how tiny she was. The fear that Imight break her, without even meaning to, because she was just so fragile.
The phone call when Emmy Jo was at the end. The drive from the ranch back to the house and watching her eyes find mine for that last time. Her words, the smile she forced, and the hours I sat beside her, waiting for her last breath to come.
I’ll never forget when Sadie fell off that horse. How time slowed as I watched her fall back, landing with that thud and the crunch from the bones in her leg breaking. The sounds of her screams while I tried to ride back with her as she was in agony.
Now this.
The feel of Lark’s hand, so cold as it fits into mine. The steady beeping of the machine above me. The balloon of the ventilator rising up as her chest inflates, then dropping as it forces the air out. I will remember the fear, the self-loathing and the fact that she doesn’t know I’m here. That I came the second I found out.
I will never forgive myself or forget.
The nurse checks the machines and then looks to me. “I’ll be right outside if you need anything.”
“Okay.”
“Talk to her,” she encourages. “She can hear you. At least, that’s what research shows. Tell her you’re here.” She gives me a soft smile and then leaves, closing the glass door behind her.
What do I say?
I have so much I want to tell her, but she deserves to be awake for it.
I can start there.
“Hi, sweetheart,” I say softly, my voice sounding pained even to myself. “I guesshiis a bit of a stretch, though, since you’re not awake. I have so much to tell you. So much to say, but this just feels like I’m cheating,” I admit. “You fell, which I guess you already know. Anyway, I’m here because I love you. I’m here because you’re where I need to be—always. I know I wasafraid, but that wasn’t even an inkling of what I’m afraid of now. I should’ve known, you know? I should’ve seen that you’re so much smarter than me. That you knew better and I should’ve listened.” I half laugh. “I’ll deny that if you do remember this conversation. They say you can hear me, that you are listening, and since you can’t reply to anything, I guess this is my perfect opportunity to say it all.” I rub her hand and give myself a second. “I already told you I love you, but I didn’t tell you how much or why. I love you because you give me hope again. You make me believe that happiness is possible. I love you because since you came into my life, I feel like breathing is easier. I love you in spite of every reason we shouldn’t be together and for every reason we should. You need to wake up again, Lark. You need to come back to me. You need to let me love you in front of the world. I’ll fight anyone and everyone who tries to come between us.”
I let the tears fall, allowing the love that I feel for this woman to break free. Instead of shoving it away and pretending it doesn’t exist, I permit it to seep into my bones. Each pump of my heart lets more of it flow. Each breath fills my body with everything I’ve been denying myself.
I love her.
Against every protest, every part of me that knows what a bad idea it was, she found a way deep into my soul.
