I take the reins in my hand, keeping her from riding off. “You say that without having lost anyone, not the way I have. Without knowing the fucking horrors of what it feels like to live without that person. I can’t lose you, Lark. I can’t fucking do it. Don’t you get it?”
“So you’re afraid?”
I laugh once. “I’m fucking terrified! I can’t do it! I can’t live through another fucking loss. I won’t survive. Is that what you want?”
“You can’t do this,” she says, shaking her head. “You can’t live like that. It’s going to ruin you far worse than loving or losing me ever will. Why is it so hard? Why can’t you see that? Why can’t you let yourself be happy?”
She doesn’t get it. As easy as all that sounds, it’s just not possible. “Nothing about loving you is hard. Hell, it’s the easiest thing I’ve ever done. It happened despite me fighting against it. Losing you, or even the possibility of it…I can’t take the risk. Then there’s all the other reasons we said why we can’t be together. How do you think we navigate that?”
“Together.”
I release the reins—and her—knowing that if I don’t let her go now, I never will. This is for her own good. I’ll never be able to love her the way she deserves, and even if we were together, her family would turn their backs on her, which I’d never be able to live with. “I won’t do that to you.”
Her lower lip trembles. “Then that’s that. You love me, but you won’t let yourself accept it? How does that work?”
It doesn’t, but I have to make it work. “This is me protecting you.”
“No, you’re protecting yourself. When you’re ready to love me out loud, you know where to find me.”
And then she leaves, and her loss is like a physical blow.
Chapter 34
Lark
Ienter the house, tears streaming down my face, like they’ve been for the last thirty minutes. Each mile felt like I was leaving part of myself behind, like a trail for Tristan to follow.
But I know he won’t.
He’s convinced himself that he can’t, and I’m smart enough to know when to walk away.
So I did.
And it’s killing me.
My mother is sitting at the table, a cup of tea in front of her. She looks up, her eyes taking in the state of my face, and she rises. “Lark. Oh, what’s wrong, sweetheart? Why are you crying? Where have you been?”
I could lie. I probably should, but I’m too broken to do it. I walk to my mother, letting her pull me into her warm embrace. It’s as though I’m six years old and scraped my knee, needing my mom to make it all better.
The sob that tears from my chest as I hold on to her causes her to gasp. She rubs my back in slow circles as I let it out.
After a few moments she pulls back, taking my face in her hands. “What has you so sad, my darling girl?”
There is no resolve left in me to hold back, and, honestly, I don’t want to. I love that stupid man, and lying is getting us nowhere. As much as I want him to love me in the open, I have to be willing to do the same.
I’ve been so worried about my family and what they’ll think that he’s twisted it into a reason we can’t be together. Well, enough of that.
“I’m in love,” I tell her.
“And that has you in tears?” she asks, wiping them away, along with the hair that’s stuck to my face from the tears.
I nod. “He loves me, too, even if he thinks he can’t.”
My mother’s green eyes, which mirror mine, brighten. “Why can’t he love you?”
“Because he’s a Stone.”
The warmth that was there falls away, and it’s replaced with shock. “What?”
