That’s just never been me.
Even in New York while I don’t have the heavy burdens of school or working to pay for school, I still don’t go out.
Aarabelle, Brianna, Thea, everyone I know in New York all go to the bars, dinners. They’re on the dating apps and at least doing something.
Not me. I have no desire to put myself out there only to be left or told how worthless I am. I’ve had enough of that my entire fucking life.
“Okay, does your friend like him?”
“She doesn’t know what she feels.”
“No?” Meredith asks with a knowing smile.
“Well, maybe she likes him more than she should. As you know, she doesn’t just hook up with guys randomly, she has toat least feel something. However, it’s stupid to do something she knows will only end in heartbreak.”
“Does this client live close to her?”
I shake my head. “She probably won’t see him often, if ever again. Since he’s not really even her client.”
“I see. So, then, I think you should tell her that she’s a grown ass woman and no one has to know about it. Tell her to have some fun, not get too attached, but enjoy feeling something good for a change. Not to mention, she already did it, so you can’t undo that. Might as well keep doing it.”
“Keep doing what?” a deep voice calls out as the front door closes.
“Tessa is banging her client, and I’m telling her that it’s not only a good thing, but a necessity for her to continue to do so.”
I groan. “Hi, Jake.”
He walks over and kisses my cheek. “Hello, trouble.” Then he kisses his wife and sits on the opposite couch. “So, Tessa, seems you’re enjoying your time in Virginia, huh?”
We all laugh and I toss a pillow at him. “I hate you guys.”
“You don’t.”
No, I don’t. Not even a little.
I feel different.
I can’t explain it. I can’t even really understand it, but something after tonight feels different. It was the simple act of seeing my friends, telling someone about what happened with Killian, and them not making me feel worse. If anything, Meredith was pretty adamant that I wasn’t doing anything wrong.
She asked if I can be objective and do my job, regardless of whatever is going on with us personally.
The answer is yes.
I can.
Whatever happens between us doesn’t change how or what I will do to save the ranch.
Also, she pretty much agreed we’re going full steam ahead toward it anyway.
So, why stop it?
I don’t think we will stop it, and we can have it on our terms this way.
Plus, it’s going to end soon.
All of these things are what I’ve told myself over and over as I made my way back to the farm.
Now I just need to get out of the car…
