“That’s good.”
I look over after a prolonged silence. “Killian?”
He sighs heavily. “I spent four nights in that jail, wondering if I’d ever get out. Confused and trying to make sense of what was happening. I tried to put the puzzle together, but I couldn’t. Now that I have all the pieces, I almost wish I didn’t know the truth.”
I let him talk, my heart pounding as I hear the sadness in his voice. Whatever information he learned has clearly upset him. “Do you want to talk about it?”
He shakes his head. “Not yet.”
“Can I ask why?”
Killian’s eyes find mine. “Because once I say it, it’ll make it real. Not that it isn’t now, but…it’ll just be different.”
“I understand,” I say softly.
“Is Meredith here?”
I nod. “She’s waiting inside. The guys all want to come over, but I asked them to give you some time.”
He glances back out the window. “God, I’m sure we have a new PR nightmare on our hands.”
“Ironically, we don’t,” I say, hoping that maybe the small sliver of good news will brighten his mood. “Because of the time the raid went down, no one caught wind of it. There was a small rumor floating about the appearance of all the SUVs, but Everett told them it was a dignitary passing through. So far, all of us have had our ears to the ground and haven’t heard anything.”
He scoffs. “That won’t last long once the story of Travis’s arrest breaks. It’ll be all over the horse-breeding world, and I won’t be able to escape it.”
“Then we’ll manage it,” I promise.
I don’t know how, exactly, but we’ll find a way. We didn’t get through all of this to not come out on the other side of this story.
“We already have interest in another horse and a few more weekends booked for Buck Wild. The town has been buzzing with the rodeo, so we could host another one and keep the focus there. Let me do my job in protecting you from this.”
He turns to me. “And what about my job of protecting you? What about howIpromised you things? I wanted to show you how a man treats a woman when he…” he trails off, and my heart skips a beat.
“When he what?”
“When he loves her,” Killian says solemnly as he reaches his hand out, pushing my hair behind my ear. “I know that this is the absolute worst way and time to tell you how I feel. I know that we have everything stacked against us. But I also didn’t want to spend another minute without telling you.”
Tears fill my eyes. “Killian…”
“No, baby, let me say this and then we can go inside and deal with the fallout. I may not deserve you. I may never be worthy of you, but I love you so fucking much. I’ve never felt this way about anyone. I’ve never had someone take over every part of my heart, soul, and life. You make me so damn happy, but loving you means I want your happiness more than my own. It means that I’ll walk away, even if it’s the last thing I want. You told me you weren’t comfortable without Meredith being okay with it, and I understand it. I’ll give you what you need above my own desires. So, I love you Tessa Rivers. I love you despite the universe telling us we shouldn’t. I love the way you smile, your laugh, your eyes, and your beautiful heart. If I can’t have forever, then I’m glad we had the time we did.”
A tear slips down my cheek. My throat grows tighter and I have so many things I want to say. “I don’t want to lose you,” I say quickly. “The last few days were impossible, and I never want to go through this again. I’m not sure I can survive losing you.”
Killian brushes my tears away and smiles. “You will. You’re so much stronger than you know.” I shake my head, but before I can tell him he’s wrong and that I love him too, the front door opens and Meredith and Jake come out. “Come on, let’s go inside. We at least have tonight together.”
“Wait, so they arrested everyone at the same time?” Meredith asks.
Killian and I came inside and said hello to Meredith and Jake before he excused himself to shower and change. Now, we’re all sitting outside on the deck as he finally relays everything that happened.
“Yeah. The FBI took their suspects into custody. Me, even though I wasn’t involved. Travis, two other guys I don’t know about, and Nathaniel.”
My eyes go wide, and I gasp. “Wait! Nathaniel? As in yourbusiness partnerin Boston?”
Killian runs his hands through this thick hair. His voice is pained as he answers. “Yes, apparently, they moved as quickly as they did because Nathaniel was getting on a plane to leave the country and if they lost him, they’d lose everything else in their investigation. He betrayed me.”
“You’re telling me your best friend is responsible for this?” Meredith asks.
I inch closer to Killian, taking his hand in mine, wanting to offer him comfort. No wonder he’s devastated. Not only did he go through absolute hell with the arrest, almost had his business go under, and possibly lost his farm, but he also lost his best friend.
