This is going to be the moment where I lose my very best friend.
Not that either of us had any idea, which is why I quickly move to explain the rest. “I didn’t know. I didn’t know who he was. It wasn’t until last night after we…” I skip what we were doing, although I’m sure she can figure it out “…that he mentioned he had a daughter my age. He started talking about how he came to find out about her, and I swear, Mer, I swear, I didn’t know.” She keeps opening and closing her mouth, before pouring herself another shot, taking it quickly. “I’ve ended it. I mean, there’s no way I can ever do that again, and I’m here because I’m begging you for your forgiveness.”
“What?” she asks quickly. “Why the hell do you need my forgiveness?”
“Did you miss the part where I said I’ve slept with your father?”
She covers her face with her hands. “Don’t say that ever again, please. I beg of you. Call him Killian.”
“Sorry.” I choke on the word.
She sits back on the couch, her face full of disbelief and confusion.
I can only imagine how she feels. The entire drive up here, I tried to put myself in her place, to hear her say those words about my father, which—eww, but still.
Every scenario came back to me feeling angry or extremely grossed out.
Meredith looks at me. “You love him?”
I nod once.
“I’m not going to lie and say I’m completely okay right now, mostly because it just is…weird.”
“I know,” I say, hating myself for needing to have this conversation. “I didn’t want to lie to you. I knew, as soon as I found out, that I needed to come tell you. He and I are over. I’mgoing to go back to New York and start my life over,” I admit. Tears start to fill my vision as I think of leaving and never seeing him again. “I can’t be with…I can’t do that.”
She pours us both a shot this time and nudges it toward me. “Take that, please.”
We both take another shot, and she lets out a deep huff.
“I’m going to be honest. I don’t really know what to say right now.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Sure, we don’t really have a relationship and we’ve only met and talked a few times, but…you’re my best friend, you know? And heistechnically my father.”
I nod, feeling despair fill me. I hate that this is the end of my relationship with Killian. I hate that it all happened this way. That more than just my career stands to be ruined by our bad decisions—it could ruin their relationship as well.
Meredith will have to handle knowing her biological father slept with her best friend. It’s strange. It’s impossible to wrap your mind around, and I just pray our friendship can endure this awkwardness.
“Please, you don’t have to explain yourself. I understand.” I start to stand, wanting to leave so I don’t make things worse.
She shifts forward, gripping my hand. Meredith’s eyes are a storm of emotions. I can see her trying to grapple with each one. Finally she sighs. “Tessa, I’m not mad or upset. You and Killian didn’t do anything wrong. I’m just not sure how to feel. All of this is really freaking weird and I just need a few days to sort of wrap my head around it. He’s not my dad, it’s not like he raised me or even knows me, but…do you get what I mean?”
“In a way, yes, but I want you to know that I’m not going to do anything you’re not okay with.”
“I want to be clear, you don’t need my permission.”
I may not need it in her eyes, but I need it for me. “Meredith, I may love him, but I love you more. So, whenever you’re ready to talk about it, I’ll be here.”
And really, there’s nothing else to say. If she’s not okay with it, then there’s nothing else to do but walk away and try to move on.
twenty-five
Killian
I’m sitting at the restaurant where Liam asked me to meet him, about halfway between the both of us in some town in Virginia, and my mind is a damn mess.
I have a killer headache.
