As though I can think of anything else other than what he just said.
He wants me to stay.
It’s what I want, but it’s all too…messy.
I can’t just give up my job, my life, in the hopes that this is going to work out somehow. I have to think about all my responsibilities. If I were to give up my job, who is going to take care of things?
Then, my heart thinks about what I’m going to give up when I leave him.
The fact that in a few short weeks, he’s shown me what love can be like and that was with us both holding back.
If I let him love me, let myself love him, what could that look like?
Killian brushes my lips with his thumb. “Hey?”
I blink. “Hey.”
He chuckles. “What’s on your mind?”
“How old are you?” I blurt out the first thing I can think of. He said something about getting to know him, so I’m going to choose a basic question that won’t rock the boat.
Safe is my goal for the rest of the night.
Killian’s eyes widen for a second before his deep laugh shakes the bed. “My age? That’s what you want to know, why?”
“I don’t know, I just…we’ve talked about childhood trauma, but I don’t know the basics. Like, how old are you? What’s your birthday? Favorite color? Those are things most people get to learn before they have sex. We skipped all that and have veered into a little bit of a dangerous territory, so let’s go to the safer topics.”
“All right then. I’m forty-four. My birthday is January 27, and blue is my favorite color.”
It’s weird, but knowing that makes this feel a little more normal. “Forty-four, huh?”
I knew he was older, but I thought maybe late thirties.
“I’m afraid to ask your age based on the look on your face.”
“It’s not terrible. I just didn’t guess right. You do not look forty-four.”
His bodydefinitelydid not age.
“And what about you? Who is Tessa Rivers?”
I let out a long breath. “I’m twenty-five. My birthday is August 9, and my favorite color is green.” It was orange my entire life, but as I’ve stared into his green eyes over the last three or so weeks, I’ve found a new color I adore.
He chuckles once. “Twenty-five? God. I feel ancient.”
“It’s not that bad.”
“It is when I have a daughter your age.”
Okay, when he puts it that way, I guess it is that bad.
“I didn’t know you had kids—you said you weren’t married.”
“I’ve never been. I didn’t find out about her until a few years ago,” he explains and pushes my hair behind my ear. “She did one of those online DNA tests online to check for medical conditions and it matched that I was her father.”
That’s exactly how Meredith found out when she did her test a while back.
“Wow, and you never knew about her?”
