I wet my lips. I had an idea what Corey might have said. The same thing I’d thought—that if I was really dating Simon, I’d plaster over an argument with sex. I had no idea how else to solve them.
Except he’d managed to guide us through it. Me through it. Like he always did.
“Well… y’know, that I should expect… and obviously I don’t expect anything because… but, you see what I’m getting at, right?”
I did see. I would have liked to make some indication that I could see, but I was still busy getting over the shock ofwe should have make-up sex.
“And your mom was so sure I was giving up on you,” Simon continued. “And I want to see the look on her face at breakfast if she thinks she’s overheard… that is, umm, unless you want to call the whole thing quits? I guess it doesn’t matter anymore.”
Right. That was the thing Simon had wanted to tell me earlier, that he’d told me on the way back here. Audrey knew we weren’t really together. She also didn’t care.
I’d since Googled her family’s net worth in the car. After years of assuming we were basically peers, it’d been one hell of a shock to find out we really weren’t. She could laugh off a fortune, especially since she was an only child.
“Corey still believes it,” I said, faster than I should have. I looked away from him as I focused on freeing myself from my jacket. “And Delilah. And mom, like you said. I mean, uh. Ifyou’reokay with… I know you might still be a little?—”
“I’m not mad at you.” Simon took a step toward me. “I really don’t want you to think that. I’m still a little in shock from fighting with you, but I’m not mad.”
“Took us over ten years,” I said, risking a glance at him. There really wasn’t anything in his expression that so much as hinted he might even be a little annoyed with me.
“But we’re okay,” Simon said, ducking his head to catch my gaze again. I was glad his eyes were back behind his glasses, honestly. It was easier to meet them that way. “Or at least, I think we’re okay. We are okay, right?”
“We’re okay,” I agreed. I almost couldn’t believe it, but we were. I didn’t feel like I’d broken something unfixable today. Normally, after a fight, I felt like the whole relationship was a vase that had been glued back together. As though I could see the cracks, as though it might start leaking at any moment.
As though it’d never be the same again. As though they liked me less, forever, and there was nothing that could ever be done about it.
Not feeling that way with Simon was so alien an experience to me it nearly didn’t count as relief. Iwasrelieved—or would be, when I got used to the idea—but mostly I still felt lost. I wanted…
Well, I wanted make-up sex, actually, because that was what my body expected after the adrenaline spike of a fight. Only I couldn’tactuallyhave sex with Simon.
Maybe faking it would make me feel better?
I couldnottell him any of this. He thought my love life was enough of a disaster as it was.
He wasn’t wrong. I just didn’t want him to know how right he was.
“So,” I continued before Simon could say anything else. “If we’re gonna do this, how should we…?”
Simon shrugged. “I’m not a sex-faking expert.”
We looked at each other, then around the room, then back at each other again.
“Okay, well…” I scanned the room a second time and let myself do something I tried really,reallyhard not to—think about what it would be like to have sex with Simon. Or at least, what I wanted it to be like.
“You slam me against the door,” I said, striding to it and hitting it with the flat of my palm. It banged and shuddered satisfyingly—realistically, I hoped.
I felt Simon’s heat behind me before I realized he was moving, crowding me against the door. I wasn’t trapped, but I could pretend to be with him this close.
The thought made a shiver run down my spine. I let it build up, let myself enjoy the solid presence of him, the scent, the way my body recognized his, and channeled it into a moan I might’ve been embarrassed to make if I’dactuallybeen having sex with someone.
I didn’t mind making a sound like that in front of Simon. Even if, when I turned to look at him, he had a brow raised.
“You’re making me soundverygood at this,” he said, soft enough that it wouldn’t carry.
“You are good at it,” I said. Nothing would convince me he wasn’t. Nothing would convince me that sex with Simon would be anything short of life-changing. That it wouldn’t ruin me for all other partners.
“I am?” he asked, brow arching a notch higher.
A grin spread over my face. “You are,” I said, laying my hand in the center of his chest and giving him a firm shove toward the bed.
