Chapter Three
Mya
I stretch my limbs, refusing to leave the studio until I have the answers. Some people run to clear their thoughts, some journal. I dance. Everything I feel is in the way I move. If I hurt, I let the pain out and dance through it. Right now, all I could see was his perfection standing there, struck silent by that fucking date or whatever. He is free to do as he wants, we broke up. The thing that sets me off and kills me is knowing that Asa thought it was fine to send a booty call his way. That means Asa considered me old news. Maybe I am and I just needed that night to see it was truly over. He never called to say he was home; he didn’t invite me to the welcome party. I took it upon myself to prove my fears.
He might have liked seeing me, still thinking I’m attractive maybe or remembering some insignificant memory we shared… I felt something and I just don’t think he did. He felt something familiar to him while I felt the man I love.
It’s hard enough every day knowing he threw me away but now I have an even worse memory to fight.
I spin in circles asHalsey, ‘Bad at Love’blasts from my speakers. I have no more classes for the day and though I need to tighten up on some upcoming recitals; I can’t find it in me to focus. I just want to be free and move this awful feeling out of me. I push myself until my chest is on fire and my muscles burn, but I pull the anger out and dance it away.
I am classically trained in ballet and hip hop, but when I dance for release I end up a fusion of ballet and hip hop and right now I am fighting myself to push harder, to make the pain in my body replace the pain in my heart when I hear feet coming up the stairs of my studio.
“What do you want?” I ask Sully as he turns the corner to stand in the entry of the studio.
“You going to just act like you don’t know why I’m here?” He says with the sexiest smirk. He is leaning against the door, feet crossed acting like this is nothing to him.
“Are you here to finally break up with me? It’s been a long time coming don’t you think?” I know that sarcasm will probably make me look childish at this point, but I left all my fucks at his feet the other night, so oh well.
He steps in front of me when I try to pass him. “Stop being a bitch.”
“Excuse me?” I ask, my eyes pinning him.
“You heard me. I came to talk to you and you’re acting like a brat.” He uncrosses his feet and stands in the doorway, arms over his head as he holds the top of the frame and now, we are way to close.
I swallow back the fury I feel rise as he speaks. Cocky bastard thinks he can make this shit-show about me? He has another thing coming. Gone might be the sullen Sully who carried the weight of the world on his shoulders, but so was virginal puppy love Mya. There was a lot of shit that happened since he let me go. Shit he couldn’t possibly comprehend.
I grew up.
“Don’t put this shit on me, Sully. You’ve had a week to come talk to me. You only came today because you know you are in the wrong. I might not have been invited to your little party, but, fuck Sully, you left me in the dark and I didn’t know until that day when Cal told me when you should have. I deserved at least that.” I turn the music off, reach for my water and towel to cool down, and clean up.
“Mya, I got out and moved to my new house. I had shit to do. I had to reinstate my driver’s license, sign some paperwork for the PIT and my new house. There was a lot of shit I needed to do.” He drops his arms and stuffs his hands in his pockets, pausing to look at me with an uncomfortable stare. “My pop is sick, and I need to be with him when I can.”
Now, I pause and sigh. “I am sorry to hear about Samuel Senior, Noah told me he was diagnosed with ALS a few months ago.” I say with a frustrated sigh. He brought Samuel into this and it was unfair to fight him on it.
“But?”
“But what?”
“I know you, Pet. You have something else to say.”
“First off, do not call me Pet. I have a boyfriend and it’s inappropriate. Second? Yeah, I had a million things to say, but they are lost now and forgotten.”
He steps closer, invading the space with his huge frame, perfect smell and damn it! Perfect face! “First off, I will always call you Pet, boyfriend or not. I’ll decide if your man is worthy of you before you do and we both know it. I know every part of you better than Mr. Distraction does and we both know that too. I have been deeper inside of you than any man ever will be,Pet.”
He places his hand over my mouth gently when I try to protest and takes another step until our chests are touching and I can feel his breath on my neck. “Second, you had a million things to say to someone who had no answers for you.” His voice softened as he spoke. “I still don’t, but we never needed answers, did we? We defied everything when the odds were against us. I went to prison, Mya. I couldn’t fathom anything beyond an electric fence. I didn’t need you building a prison of your own to wait for me in.”
I remove his hand from my mouth and step back. “You think I still didn’t? I did. I locked myself away and waited. For seven months I cried myself to sleep, in the shower at a song on the radio… you were in it all, but still gone. It killed me and that was before you wrote me that fucking letter.”
“Mya”-
“No, you said your piece. I need to say mine. I spent every minute suffering with you, just not beside you. I reached out. I wrote to you and only when I am mad enough to break up, that you respond and send me that goddamn letter!”
I don’t realize I am screaming until my voice gives out. I am furious with him, so furious even I can’t seem to find the love I have for him anywhere. I want to hurt him.
“Pet…”
“You broke my fucking heart, Sam!” I yell, tears forming in my eyes as my hands begin to shake. I have surpassed anger; I don’t know what I am feeling right now besides rage. My tears are tears of pure rage, beyond pain or anger. “You broke me, us, and left so much damage behind. I had to clean up the mess of us. I had to get out of bed and force myself to move on. You weren’t here. You have no idea what it was like for me. You were in a place to be punished, something you had wanted for ten years. You wanted to pay some fucking due you thought you owed. I loved you and you ripped me to shreds. That’s what you don’t know.”
