I roll my eyes, seeing him like this lately makes me wonder what I ever saw in him. “Look at how you are acting? You don’t own me Micha. I am sorry if Sam being out has you worried but treating me like shit doesn’t make me want to be near you.” I undo my seatbelt as he pulls to a stop and go to get out of the car.
“Mya, I am sorry okay? I am worried. I know how much you loved him. I hear it from everyone but you. When you are silent on him it gets scary.”
I sigh and look at him. “There is a reason I don’t talk about him it is because he hurt me, deeply. He was my first love, first relationship as an adult and honestly my first everything. I need us to go slow and you make it hard when you act like this.”
“How much slower Mya? I barely get a kiss from you anymore.”
I knew this would happen sooner or later. “Don’t you dare try to make me insecure about sex and the lack of it in our new relationship. I am cautious with my body and it is my choice.” I feel like such dirt for feeling like this toward him all the while I am ready and willing to let Sam touch me, fuck me, tease me, please me. I just cheated on Micha and now I act like his worries aren’t warranted… I am the worst girlfriend.
“I’m not and I never would… I just feel like I lost you even though you are right here.”
The sweet tone he speaks to me with breaks me a little. Yeah, he has acted like a true douchebag since Sam has been back, but I understand why. Micha was always patient, sweet and adoring. I made him change because I changed. I let Sam back in my head and now he controls my thoughts once again.
“I am sorry Micah, but I promise you don’t need to worry.”
Lie.
Fucking liar Mya.
He nods and leans in to kiss me sweetly and I let him. I try to deepen the kiss in hopes I feel the fire I get when Sam simply looks at me. I hate that I feel nothing when I want to feel something, anything that isn’t related to Sam.
“Hey sweet girl.” He says pulling back from the kiss to hold my face in his hands, just as Sam did earlier.
Fuck!
“Let me take you out tomorrow.” He asks me sweetly and I nod.
“It will need to be late. I have late classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays.” I say and try to hide the sadness in my tone. I hate what I am doing to him.
I hate what I am doing to Sam.
“That’s right. Well, Wednesday then?” I nod in agreement and say nothing as I shut the door and walk away.
