Epilogue
Arms wide open, stand alone
I’m no hero and I’m not made of stone
Right or wrong, I can hardly tell
I’m on the wrong side of heaven and the righteous side of hell
3 months since court
Sam,
Why won’t you respond to my letters? I have sent one a day for three weeks. I spoke with Poet and she explained that you would be in a locked down unit while they got you situated within the prison so I am hoping to hear from you soon. She also told me that you would need cash on your books and stamps? I don’t know something about stamps being the same as cash in a prison.
I applied five hundred dollars to your books. You should be able to buy phone time and any food, or books, or whatever. With your parole hearing coming soon, I doubt you will need that much. I also asked Poet to find out if I could send you some art supplies. If it is allowed, I will send you some immediately.
Before I end this I wanted you to know I went to see Kace today. I left a small bouquet of tea roses in the brightest colors I could find. I told her you miss her and that she would always be your favorite color… I wonder if you are still mine? I am so lost without you, Crow. Please call or write me back, and let me know you are okay.
I love you, Sam Sullivan,
4-ever
Mya
*
4 months since court
Sam,
I had a dream about you last night. We were in my studio, just like the night we went to theSue. You kissed me in my dream and told me not to let you push me away. I promised you that months ago and I promised it in my dream. Why do you push me away? Why aren’t you responding? I know you are doing well, I ask Frank and Noah all the time.
They told me you refused to adhere to the requirements of the parole hearing. What the fuck, Sam? Why? You don’t belong in there longer than you need to be. You are a good man. Jen and Noah both have been to see you, and Jen said you told her that you don’t want visitors any more. Why? You are so loved, Sam. We all want to be here for you. Please let us, let me.
I can’t sleep because I miss you so much. A phone call or a letter would ease my fears, these terrible fears that you have let me go.
Please tell me you haven’t…
I love you, Sam Sullivan,
4-ever
Mya
*
6 months since court
Sam,
Am I a fool? Don’t answer that. Not like you would anyway. I want to say something because I can’t do this to myself anymore. I am waiting on a dream, not a man and even then, it doesn’t lessen my love for you. Even in times like now, when I swear I hate you.
For whatever reason you have chosen to let me go. No word, no warning. You made this decision without once giving me a chance. The minute they took you from that courtroom you became vapor, smoke in the wind. You were gone and no attempt on my part has woken you up.
I am left with no choice, but to move forward. I need to open my studio and start working. I need to go out with my friends and be a normal twenty-two-year-old on the town. I need this because for the last six months I haven’t left my phone. I don’t go out. I have stopped the grand opening all because I wait on a call that will never come. A call that says, ‘I am sorry Mya, I need you.’
You don’t though. I know that. I didn’t believe it at first. I thought no way after everything we shared. After I held your hand through your worst moment. It was me you crashed into, Sam. Me who you ‘rage fucked’ your pain away with.
