“Are you there yet?”
“No, we gotta drop the kids off to Mom and Dad.”
I nod, knowing he doesn’t see me. “Does Carrie know yet?” I think about Noah’s sister Carrie and know she is almost as close to Sam as she is her own brother.
“Yeah. Noah called her. She and Chad are coming. Shame knows too. He and Cass are in the Bahamas, but they know.”
“Good. Okay,” I don’t know what else to say, but I keep him on the phone with me because I can’t have my thoughts all over the place. I need Cal to ground me. “I’m scared…” I tell my big brother, my voice soft.
“I know, My, me too.”
I make it to Sam’s not bothering to take in the beauty of his house right on the bay. All I want is him. To see him, to reassure him. I want nothing more than to make this man feel safe.
“Sam…” I say, when I enter the house and see like a million people here with him.
“Pet…” He whispers, and rushes to me before falling apart in my arms.
“I’m here, crow.”
It’s a quarter past three and neither of us have slept. We are laying face to face in his room, darkness all around us, and a calm silence. I trace the tattoos on his chin with my finger as he stops me here and there to kiss my fingers.
He looks so young here, so lost, as he awaits an answer that isn’t good regardless. The agent said they were trying to locate a body, something my sweet man refused to hear. Either way, this ends badly. If it isn’t her, then she is still gone and no answers to go on. Just more heartache and endless worry.
And if it is her?
Well, fuck.
Life will halt for a while I know that. If it is Kace, there might be peace in laying her to rest, but it is a lifetime without her from that moment on. It is why I understand the hope he has. Both answers are brutal realities for any person to have to face.
It is unfair. So fucking unfair.
“I’m so scared, Pet,” He breaks the silence. His voice like gravel.
“Me too,” I say and lean in to kiss him sweetly.
“Why are you scared?” His question isn’t meant rude. I understand why he asks me that.
“I am scared that either way, you’ll be sad forever baby.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Of course, Sam.”
“Do you think that if she had a childhood disease, or was hit by a car, or some other fatal accident that I could move on easier than knowing if remains of hers are found? Then it means she was murdered. Murder means scared, alone, tortured even-”
I cut him off. “Don’t do that. Don’t think like that, it will make you crazy, Sam.”
He nods and looks at the ceiling. “Maybe, but it’s still true. I will either live with her gone forever and never found, never knowing if she is at peace, or I live forever knowing it was a brutal end for a precious baby girl.”
I roll until I am halfway on his chest and I make him look at me. “Either way, whatever the outcome, we will make sure you both have peace, Sam. You started planning it a few weeks ago, so no matter what, she will be at peace.”
“How do you know, though?”
“This is an easy answer for me, but you might not accept it,” I tell him, unsure of what he believes.
“Tell me anyway.”
I nod and rest my cheek to his chest. “Because God protects the innocent. This happening… it creates so many questions. So many. Where was God when she was taken? Right?”
