“Sam, was she found…?” I see her stutter on the word ‘dead’ as evenly as I stutter on the word found.
“No idea. She was never found. It will be ten years on Halloween.”
“Oh my, God,” she gasps, and reaches for the bottle, drinking from it as I did.
“I confronted Deja at the station. I accused Cordell of taking her. Even as I accused everyone and raged, nobody we know or knew took her. Turns out that Deja and Cordell left after I did and assumed I took Kace with me. They took Lyndsay home and went to fuck at his pad. By the next morning, she was pissed I wasn’t answering and demanded I come home with Kace. When my old man told her Kace wasn’t with me… all hell broke loose. We set up search parties and after a few years it seemed there was no hope. A few years after that, I raged again and hired two private dicks to help, but still nothing.
“I begged my dad and Agent Sorrell, with the FBI, to charge me with something. Felony child endangerment, abandonment of a child… anything. I took the blame and I still carry that burden, Mya. I didn’t protect her…”
My voice cracks as I admit my worst act, my darkest moment.
“Sam, look at me,” she says, and takes my hands in hers as she crawls on her knees to rest between my legs. “This was a tragic accident and not your fault. Cal and Jenny could have made the same mistake with Rylie or Axe. Parents are entitled to cool down and you did the right thing.”
“I didn’t. I should have beat the mother fucker’s ass and went to jail for assault, but I ran like a pussy. I assumed that Deja would do what I didn’t.”
“She did the same thing though, Sam.”
I nod, saying nothing. I just sit in the awful silence.
“The cemetery…” she says, and I look up confused as she puts the pieces together. “The day you blacked out in the studio.... You had said you and Noah were going to the cemetery…”
I nod. “I want to have a memorial. I got a stone and I am placing it in a spot by this little stream with a bridge. I put her birthday on it without an ending… and these five words that remind me of her.”
“Can I ask?” she says sweetly, her thumbs stroking the top of my clasped hands.
I am reminded of the hotel and that almost fuck. I told her she deserved to be someone’s favorite color. “You are my favorite color.”
I see her eyes well with tears immediately as she nods. “You told me I deserved to be someone’s favorite color. You told me you guaranteed I was my dad’s favorite color.”
I nod, my eyes full of tears I refuse to let free. “I do guarantee it, Pet.”
She cries softly. Her head resting over my hands as those words resonate and I want to tell her I am sorry.
“I’m so sorry, Pet. I’m sorry I brought this darkness here.” She jerks her head up and looks at me, offended like usual.
“Are you kidding me with that? I am honored, Sam. Honored you trust me with this.” Her voice cracks from the emotion and I close my eyes.
“How do I not disgust you?”
“Oh, baby, no,” she says, and I open my eyes at her words. She drops my hands and instead wraps them around my waist until we are flush chest to chest… and hugs me. “I could never be disgusted by you, Sam. I find you strong and honorable. Your sadness has its own zip code, it’s that big, but you own it and make no excuses for it. You wear the burden of this, because it is what daddy’s do. They bare the pain, the sadness, the disappointment for their daughters because daddy’s can never love anything or anyonemorethan their daughters.” She pulls back and looks at me, forces me to see her. “Sam, you are my favorite color… you could never be anything but that.”
