"I took a look at the entire thing. This lifestyle and the shit it brings to your door. Say Candey didn’t die and Noah slipped off the wagon for some other reason? She would have left him and he still would have had to clean his life up for her no different than you are for Axe. We all forgave him, saw his reasons and wrote the excuse. Not a single fucking person wrote an excuse for you or paved your way. You did it all alone."
She starts to shake her head no and crying harder. "I had someone helping me Cal."
I look at her confused and wonder what she means. "Who? Your mom?" I swear that chick was never around and she even told me herself that her mom didn’t even know about Axe.
"Noah." Then she proceeds to tell me that he tried to buy her off and never look back and she asked for rehab instead. "It was how we became friends. After court that day, he took me to Riverside and I stayed thirty days and stripped it all away. I went to meetings with him and we talked about everything. Then that night he came in and those bikers beat him up..." She shivers and looks at the fire, flicking her smoke in it.
"That's why you went with him?" I recall leaving that night done and over his shit. I had cut him off from everything and walked away. He only agreed to go to rehab after I had left and by Sully and Jen's hand not mine.
"How much did he offer you?" I ask, out of curiosity. I wasn’t angry or feel betrayed. I was glad they helped each other. She was a huge part in saving Noah from himself.
"Five hundred thousand and to never look back."
I nod. "I was willing to offer five million but our lawyer said no and shut me down. I was mad as hell that day though, I had no idea you would give a one-eighty."
"He offered me before court and I didn’t take it. When I left the court room that day though and saw him playing with Axe... I asked him if I could take his offer and get help instead."
"Well I am glad you’re here stronger and wiser than ever before. Once you solved whatever equation you were working on Jen, you came back a triple threat and a hell of a mom."
We sit in silence and I want to tell her I read the last entry of that book, but how do you say, 'so I read about your rape?' Fucking you don’t that’s how. I am not gentle or calm with that shit at all and I need to learn to be.
"Did you read the end?" She asked me and I internally scream because even the thought of it makes me a monster. I try to think of the talk with Noah and Chad and be comforting.
I nod.
Not the strongest response but I am trying not to show my panic about it. She lived it for fucks sake, I need to man up and be here for her. "I did and honestly..." I look at her and sigh. "I wish I didn’t. I wanted to know the truth of it all and the details because I thought the answer would be in the details. It wasn’t. You were brutalized and traumatized and even the thought of it..." I look at her then and tell the truth, brutal or not. "I want to find em' and fuckin' kill'em Jen."
"I have days where I want them to pay... When I think they probably do it often I feel like a bitch for not ratting them out, but fear over rules that too. I worry they will have connections and hurt Axe or you...it isn’t a price I want to pay."
She takes my beer and sips from it. "Where I come from, that type of ugly is on every corner. I have seen them before and it is why I only go home on the nights I have doubles and don’t see you guys. It is safe here and nothing or no one can touch us."
I can hear the fear in her voice and knowing she has seen them since makes my body vibrate with anger I try to hide. "You can move in Jen. I wouldn’t expect a thing. Keep your room and do your thing. You want to support yourself, I get that... but I have millions Jen, millions. Stop working at Skin and come here, focus on your PIT work and put the time in there. It is safe there and you are always with people that got your back because you are family. There’s and mine."
"But if I do that, I will always wonder if I could have done it alone." She says and, fuck I admire her pride even if it isn’t reasonable anymore.
"Pride is a glorious thing in small doses. This shit, babe it is pride before the fall shit. They know you and you have seen them? I guarantee that you see them at Skin and this shit cannot fly anymore. He lost you once before. Do not let it happen again because of pride."
"What do you pay in rent?" I ask and I am up and looking at her.
"Seven hundred with utilities."
"Okay! Hold that thought." I rush in the house and to my office and pull out one of the standard contracts I have that state a contract is in effect for any reason. There is a space to explain the contract in detail until a permanent one is drawn up.
I grab it and head outside, stopping at the counter of the outdoor kitchen. I sign it and head to her, handing her both the contract and the pen. "Pay me seven hundred with utilities. Look at it like a really empty apartment complex with three tenants. We have a pool, weight room, full kitchen, a few of them. Rent a room and use of the house from me."
"You can’t be serious." She says and looks at me like I am joking. Nope. Not joking, just smart.
"I have never once made a joke about a binding contract and it is binding. Me and the guys use these all the time. Roadies, crew help, Axes specialists. I am not kidding and never will when it is business and this, and only this is business Red."
She looks to my guest house and back at me. "I need to think on this Cal... it’s a lot."
"Okay, Noah always says that women need to detour around the obvious, so go ahead and detour. You will still sign it because I have left no other options for you not to and you know I am right. There is guest house three hundred feet from us, use that if you need more. But sign it when the detour leading you right back here is done."
"Deal." She says laughing and I pull her up and into my arms, kissing her soundly. "Are we okay?" She asks and I get it, we covered some heavy shit tonight.
"We have more to hash out, but we got through the worst tonight. I think we are more than okay. We will tackle more in time. For now, honestly I just want to fuck you senseless."
She smacks my shoulder and laughs. “Tell me what I asked for is okay Cal. Tell me you understand why I need you to make a conscious choice. I am taking all the risk because I believe in us.”
“I am ok with this plan, Jen. I think it’s wise, but know that I am not doubting that I will choose you. I can do it your way and be as we have been, with more touching, fucking and dates and dinners. I am still going to pick you though after all is said and done. I’ll pick you because you are what I want, so don’t doubt me too much.”
“Deal.”
“I want to take you up to my bed, lay you out and start something we never tried before.”
