I stopped signing when Shame had him all over the place in dramatic Rockstar fashion at the hardest hitting part. This was awesome and I look to Lex thankful she knew how to enhance the sound for him.
By the end of the song Shame was tossing Axe in the air making him laugh and signing what a badass he was, pissing Jen off for signing a swearword. I looked to Lex, in awe.
"Thank you, holy shit I have never seen him smile like that, seeing him understand the words. I wish I had thought to sign but I am always using my hands."
I hug her and she laughs. "Well now you know. I love that I could give you something for all the hard work and help you have given me Calvin."
"Thank you so much Lexington." Jen says and wipes her tears. When we are mom and dad we are so strong.
"Come here momma." I say, pulling her close and kiss the top of her head. "That was bad ass, right?"
She nods. "Can we chat for a few minutes alone?" She asks as the room starts to empty slowly.
Of course." I say and tell everyone to give us a minute.
"Hey, so what’s up?" I ask after I get Ral to get Axe in bed for the night and made everyone go upstairs and let us chat a bit.
"I want to know why you’re doing this? Is it really about the music or you digging the knife deeper?"
I swear to God I heard the brakes on my brain at that. Hand to the good Lord, I didn’t expect another fight.
"Are you kidding me Jenny?" I fall back against the seat and rock back and forth, my head staring at the ceiling.
Fuck I need some dignity, I really do.
I sit forward and look at her, tired of this whole thing. Tired to the point I might have no choice but to let her go so I can salvage my pride. "It is one-hundred percent the music. I can hear it in my head Jen. I can’t explain it to you, or Chad or anyone not even Lex. It is how I have always composed."
"And the fact she is a knockout redhead? Is that just the ugly bonus for me?"
Once again, I hear the brakes screech in my head. "This is about Lex?"
She looks ashamed and I hate that I made her think I was trying to get with Lex. "You said you would forget me once you had your fill of redheads."
Jesus, that damn comment is going to haunt me forever. "Jen, first off that was a bold threat I made knowing there is only one red head that could do it for me. That,isyou." I stand from the chair and go to her and as she fights my arms going around her in a simple hug. Finally, she lets me touch her and I hold her. I rest her head against my chest and rub her back, knowing she is in tears, silent but wet against my shirt.
Such pride my Red. Hates her tears and I have made her cry too much today.
"I'm sorry I keep fighting you Cal." She sobs and buries her face deeper into my chest, her hands going to her face to protect her weakness from me.
"Jen, I made you this way. My treatment of you has damaged your trust in me, maybe forever."
She shakes her head no. "No, I am hiding from you for my own reasons." She pulls back and looks at me, her green eyes rimmed in red with black tears from her mascara. "I need to tell you, I know I do."
She takes a deep breath and I am scared that she will tell me some awful secret about our son. "Tell me." I say and leave my tone calm, dead almost. I know, I fucking know that this is where the other shoe falls.
I sit back down in the chair and leave her standing. I need her to feel in control for this. "Tell me Red."
She covers her eyes with her hands, trying to clear them of tears and making a mess of her face in the process. I would laugh or say something normally, but her sadness and fear has me nervous and I know it is bad.
"The, um... the day I dropped Axe off at your parents?" She looks at me, hiccupping on a sob. I nod, that yes duh of course I recall that day with a disturbing clarity.
"Well..." She chokes and coughs and her hands tremble as she fights her fear.
"Jen, you’re making it worse by freaking out. Just tell me." I don’t raise my voice or show my frustration... I just want to know why she hasn’t let me in and whatever it is, is because of that day and that terrifies me.
"I had gone to a party, Axe was with me and I was looking for a quick fix and didn’t have money..."
She trails off and looks anywhere but at me and my blood runs cold. "And?" Now I speak with the harshness I feel. Simply, no way this isn’t going to end well.
