Chapter Six
Jen
I am listening toGodsmack,'I stand alone'as I smoke on my patio, pissed off at the best friend I love. I know as does he, that we will get over this. I also know, as does he that what he told me was the truth.
My being upset has everything to do with my failure to take a risk and tell Cal about the rape that led his son to him in my moment of weakness. I have tried so hard for him to see me as the strong Jenny, not the one he knew that was weak and scared with no confidence.
I risk his faith and trust in me with Axe and that I provide stability in our parenting. I risk losing his respect and any chance that he could ever want me again.
Terrified he will hate me.
I know why Noah came down on me, I deserved it because I was lying in an attempt to protect myself. I just never had him talk to me in such a painful truth kind of way.
I can’t keep my mind from fading in to too many memories and all of which are lined with the obvious truth. He never cared for me. None of them did, but I loved them and had believed I was better than a fangirl because they were my friends, since school.
I step onto the bus the minute Sevyn and Drake see me. Cal has strict instructions that I am always allowed on the bus. The minute I see him, my heart flutters and stops because he is and will always be the one thing in this world I need.
Like two magnets he makes his way to me and ignores the guys and the bus full of partiers. Says something to Tayla before reaching me and guiding me to his bus. The minute we are inside he has me pinned to the wall. "Fuck yeah, you are just what I need Jen." He says against my lips and presses his hardening cock into me.
He steps back but keeps his lips on mine as he undoes his belt and jeans. He takes my hand in his and shoves it down his pants until I am gripping him with my palm. He lets out a moan that has me arching back against the wall. "The minute I saw you I went rock hard baby."
I shiver every time he calls me that even though I know he calls all the fangirls that. To me, it is personal.
"Want this dick?" He says and thrusts into my hand. His hands slip under my ass and lift me so I am now wrapped around him.
"Yes." I pant as he grinds my hand around his engorged cock against my pussy.
"Suck my dick baby." He says and steps back until we are both on the bed. I crawl back and take his pants and boxers with me and go down on his cock like he asked.
The minute my mouth touches him, he fists my hair and presses all the way to the back of my throat. "Mmmm fuck yeah. Gag on it." He says and I comply, I always comply. Somewhere in my mind I know he will want me because I know what he needs in bed better than anyone.
Within minutes he is thrusting, hard and deep in my mouth, filling the air with the filthy image of me on his cock. "Fuck yeah, take it, every inch. I want to see tears Jen."
There is no hiding the brutality to which he fucks my throat and what is even more pathetic is I love it. I love how he degrades me. It is all he gives me so I accept it and hope he will one day see my love.
"Oh shit, I’m gonna cum Jen." He places one hand on my head, forcing himself deep. The other he cups my throat. "Every drop baby, let me feel you swallow me.
I do, like a savage for any part of him, I take it all and only pull back when he does. I wipe under my eyes, to free some of the mascara that is now streaked down my cheeks.
He stops me though, and gives me the rarest most vulnerable piece of himself. "Don’t... I love seeing those black tears and remembering how you got them." He sits up and pulls my mouth to his and lays me over him. "So fucking beautiful." He says and starts removing my clothes.
All of my tattoos are on display, my sleeved arms against his and he places two fingers in my pussy once I am naked. I lift his shirt, wanting nothing more than to feel him chest to chest.
"Get on all fours Jen." He says and rises from the bed and grabs a few condoms, never knowing how long he will go, but can’t wait because nobody makes me cum like Cal Dorian.
He taught me sex, how to give head. I taught him to eat pussy and loved how he mastered it. I get on my hands and knees and feel his fingers go deep in my pussy and then he licks me.
"Fucking A." He growls and fucks me with his fingers and his mouth. "This is my favorite pussy to eat. Been addicted since tenth grade when you finally let me at it."
He slams his fingers deep, almost painfully. With his mouth on my clit driving me to cum though, it mixes and everything blends to passion until I cum on his face.
He rolls me to my back and spreads my legs as he slips a condom over his cock. "My beard is soaked, you came so hard."
I giggle and can see the wetness of my orgasm on his beard. There is nothing dignified in any of this, but the trashy way he treats my body gets me off. No rhyme or reason to it, it is just the kink I need.
He slams into me and fucks with a relentless strength and within minutes I am gushing all over him, screaming for more, harder...Yes! He has never attacked me like this, it is torture and it is bliss. "Fuck yes your dirty little cunt craves my cock doesn’t it?"
I hate what he said, hate it but I still cum because even though his words are hateful and cruel, I love how he uses me. I am addicted to a lot of the life I live these days, but he is my needle, my pipe. His degrading sex appeals to me even though I know I am fucked up.
