Shame kisses me on the cheek, then the neck, then holds me close because he knows it is all I need. When he stops at Tay and hugs her, I hear him ask if she and Cal are okay and I swear to nut him later because he obviously knows way more than I do and has for sometime.
My brother enters and go’s to Roni first who hands him something none of us knew she even had. A clue I guess that this is small in size, but either it is borrowed or new because of course we do things backwards most of the time. I’m guessing though that whatever Noah is bringing her it is why the saying is coming in out of order.
But then I gasp when she kisses him on the cheek because I know what it is. Mike walks to Carrie and hugs her tight before handing her the card first.
“I’m giving this one to Mike to explain, but it’s borrowed baby.” She reads and smiles looking to Mike.
“The day I married Roni, Chad was the one to bring her this from me. It isn’t extravagant, and it’s a whole lot cheesy but it was us and what it means to us, is no different than what you mean to him.”
Mike hands Carrie the sweet silver bracelet with a small silver heart charm that hangs by the clasp that he bought for Roni on the day of their wedding. “I told her she always had my heart dangling from her hands and so it was fitting.” Mike says and shrugs shyly as he clasps it around her wrist.
We all know who is coming in next and you can see Carrie is past the point of emotional breakdowns because Chad like always has one upped her.
It is a rarity that we leave in a private moment because we are family and we are loud and nosy, and so none of us are willing to leave when there is a chance at seeing Noah soft without Noelle in the mix. And it is Noah who walks in with his hands in his pockets, his hair perfectly disheveled and a look on his face that is all pride and a large amount of sadness.
He makes his way to Carrie, his gait the swagger that says it all about him. Noah is all control all the time and he makes no excuses for it here. He commands the room even when he is silent, it’s a simple look he gives that says he knows more about everything than you ever will.
“Sissy, you look like you got some place to be.” He says and smiles. Carrie lets her tears fall now.
“Yeah.” She sniffles and hugs her big brother and her very best friend. “I gotta hurry.”
Noah sighs and holds her close rocking her in a way we all rock Noelle and sway side to side.“Always in a hurry to grow up… lets chill for a second and play a game yeah?” He asks and she cries burying her head in his neck.
“Today,” he says and his voice cracks so we all know that he is hurting letting her go. “Today this world is new and it is one that we have never done before.”
He pulls back and looks at her, his own eyes glistening with tears and rimmed in red as he does his thing, builds a world in a safe place against all the twisted shit in this world.“You are here, happy. Happier than I have ever seen you. You are dressed like a model and so fucking pretty that I’ll want to gut Chad for what I can guarantee the pervert will be thinking when he see’s you.”
I smile as does Carrie, at Noah’s words. “In this world we are never what we were, victims of hate. This is a new world Sissy, where we are loved and cherished and taken care of. It’s because of this world I can give you away today, to a pervert, but one that loves you like he loves life. You are his life. You are the music in his soul and the one thing he needs to be complete.”
He stands back and lets out a low whistle through his teeth as he walks around her until he comes full circle and smiles.“I love you so much sissy. You are by far the one thing that kept me going for twenty-six years. I fought for you, cried for you and I take pride in the woman you are because I helped you become this woman. You are all heart Carrie and it gets you hurt from time to time but it’s just who you are and I am honored to have been the man in your life for the last twenty two years, and sad to know that you have grown up.
“We were in such ugly things when we were kids and it followed us for years, but through it all you were the one constant thing that made me happy. Now you make me an uncle, marry one of the brothers I have claimed and accepted me for all the ugly I have and loved me regardless. Seeing you smile and shine I think I did right by you sissy.”
How he can say all of this and not let a single tear fall, even though we all see them swimming in his eyes and catching in his voice he is stoic and strong like always.
“If I were a song right this second it would be,” he pauses and looks at the room of people watching him spill his soul to his sister. “It would be sweet child of mine.” He leans in and kisses her cheeks. “I love you Carrie. Trust me yeah, you’re going to be happy forever.”
“You made my life the best life Noah.” Carrie says, holding her big brother so tight as she cries tears of happiness and blessing. “You made it the safest place you could and saved me from a cynical outlook. You brought me Chad even though you fought me tooth and nail, and Candey by forcing me to get an education… and everyone in this room because they loved you so much and with you I am a packaged deal. You brought us family Noah and I would never be here without you.”
They hug one another a little longer before Noah steps back and gives a single swipe under his left eye, but does it so fast I may have been the only one to catch it.“Fuck this is heavy and we don’t do heavy.” He says and motions between his chest and Carrie. “Your something new is this new world. Own it sissy yeah?”
She nods and turns to look in the mirror checking her makeup. All of us are looking in the mirror now too as we check our makeup. Shamus, and Cal are looking at the ceiling or the door or anywhere they can hide from the emotion that is seriously strong in this room.
“Know what song I am?” Carrie says as she turns around and grabs her bouquet.
“Give it.” Noah states with a smile.
“Party rockin’ in the house tonight.” She says and smiles making her way to her soon to be husband.
I hope you find what you're lookin for when it all comes runnin' down
I hope you find it painted black on your window, or the lips of your lover's frown
Cuz if it dies in cold, when the clouds start to roll.
Is it then that your soul, starts to bleed?
Joshua James
