I feel like he has dug a knife into my heart with his last dig. But even though his sarcasm hurts me, he has every right to feel this way. What he doesn’t know, is that there are secrets even Noah isn’t privy to.
I sit there sobbing, soaked and shivering from the rain as Shamus paces the dock muttering curses and sometimes screaming them. When he does speak I don’t know how long it has been.
"Anything else?" he asked, his voice like sandpaper and it scares me. His voice was the same as a man who had admitted defeat and stopped fighting.
Search for the answers I knew all along
I lost myself, we all fall down
Never the wiser of what I've become
Alone I stand, a broken man
All I have is one last chance
I won't turn my back on you
Take my hand, drag me down
If you fall then I will too
And I can't save what's left of you
Breaking Benjamin
Chapter Twenty Four
Shamus
Cassa nodded at my question for more of her fucking bombs tonight. I didn’t know if I could handle anymore of this shit. Knowing right now that he was free and walking all hi and mighty made my skin crawl.
“Fuck it. Let’s hear the rest.” I say and stand with my arms folded over my chest.
"He has made threats on Roni and Mike. They don’t know about his drugging me and they don’t know the half of the injuries I sustained from him to keep them safe. When he got angry for whatever reason; I would try and call or go to their house. He knew I couldn’t hide the bruises and so he would scare me into submission. Then I called his bluff one day and Mike’s boat exploded. That he knew they were planning to be out on it all day and was willing to kill them made me feel true fear for the first time ever. Luckily they had docked it in Port Angeles while they were out shopping and weren’t on the boat when it blew." She walked up to me and stood toe to toe just as mad. "I. Don’t. Fuck. Around. Anymore. I keep this shit from all of you as best I can. If you or anyone else can’t see this and why I do the things I do, then there isn’t a point in me fighting for us anymore.”
She spun and walked up the dock, finished answering for herself and the choices, wrong choices she made for herself.
"Why didn’t you tell Mike?" I yell and see her pause in her frantic walking.
"Because he would have done some stupid ass thing and got him and Roni killed. Besides it was three days later that he tried to kill me so it kinda slipped my mind." She spat the words at me, refusing to let me even close to hurting her. I had closed off every access point to her heart with my fit of rage, but luckily I knew in my heart I was doing what Noah kind of suggested I do. I was backing her into the corner.
God damn it though, Noah was right. She was fighting me at every turn the defiant little brat. I don’t think I have ever loved her more. I didn’t like knowing I was hurting her feelings, but I was mad enough that it wasn’t really affecting me at the moment.
"Don’t you see it Cassa, you are playing Judge and Jury here."
"Just waiting to be the executioner Shame."
I paused at that.
All the hope that she would crack, all the hope we would make it froze in that second at her words.
“Executioner?”
She just stared me down and said nothing and I knew that the same hate Noah carried, my Sassy did too. She was completely calm about the idea of killing Cory fucking Noxx. This is the sort of darkness you don’t press further on… for now this one needed to chill the fuck out.
The rain had soaked her but here she stood defending herself tooth and fucking nail. I said nothing as she walked up the dock to my dad’s back door, and then turned and stood, in the rain and refused to move until I did.
*
