Prologue
Sassy
“What the fuck?” Corey roared and slammed his meaty fist into the side of my face. He forced me to listen to the words of my soul on that page, that fucking letter I should have thrown out. I had been in such dire straits and I wasn’t thinking clearly when I wrote it. I was scared and alone and I made mistakes that I have long since paid for.
“Fuck you!” I snarled through the blood in my mouth and tried to stand from the floor where he had knocked me to his feet. I would not cower to Corey ever. I knew that standing would only anger him more but I was a master at pride before the fall. “You know what it is. You’re a fucking lawyer and that indicates your smarts Corey. What do you think it is?”
“In the last six months you have broken every fucking promise you made to me Cassa! And now I learn the one redeeming thing about you, our baby was really his baby? The child of a fucking rock star, a drummer no less, a man who is paid to beat a stick to circle and create noise!” He started clapping while stalking toward me.
I flinched. Fuck!
He smiled.
“Scared?” He asked his voice a sinister noise in the room. His eyes were vacant, empty and soulless. He was such a handsome man when I met him, completely different from Shamus.Corey had sandy blonde hair, crystal blue eyes and was as clean cut as any lawyer in Bellevue. He was money and class and Armani suits where Shamus was naughty, tattooed, sexy and sin. His dark brown hair was long, his arms were defined by muscle and sinew from years of “making noise”.
“Never!” I spat and laughed when he kicked me in the gut dropping me even though I had fought to stand back up. There was no standing now.
He crouched down beside me and I turned my head not wanting to see what he would do next. His hits were harder this time, his kicks much more brutal. I wasn’t going to be able to hide his marks from Mike and Roni let alone from Carrie and Candey or the guys in TAT. Shame I could avoid but the others would go ape-shit. As my lies went I had covered this mess of a life as best I could.
This time there would be no cover and I would have no choice but to avoid them.
He grasped my hair in his fist, twisting the strands so tight I could feel them rip free of my scalp and I couldn’t help but cry out at the pain. “I can’t believe I fell for your shit Cassa.” He spoke through gritted teeth, yanking on my hair until my face was before him nose to nose and unable to hide. “I am done with you.”
They were the sweetest words he had ever said to me. I didn’t understand the meaning or maybe I would have begged.
I doubt I would have begged. I never begged Corey. I always stood back up. But I felt the knife as he stabbed me in the groin. I felt the burn as he sliced me open. I fell back in shock landing on my back. I tried to roll over and get my feet but with every move pain so fierce lanced through me severing any hope of standing back up.
“No!” He roared and kicked me in the shoulder hindering all movement entirely. I screamed and I felt for the first time broken. That scream was me finally shattering at his hands. I hated him and what he robbed me of with that scream. “No, you’re gonna stay the fuck down while I play.”
He sat on my chest, his back to me making breathing impossible.
And then he started cutting me, the pain forcing my mind to shut down and sleep. I slept to the sounds of my screams of pain only to be awoken to a much bigger tragedy.
Seven days later
“Look Cass, we have thrown all the money in the world, in the bands fucking name at this but it’s still seriously fucked up.” This was Chad who was trying to be nice even though he was mad at me.
They all were.
I had kept secrets that made them furious.
I no longer had secrets from this soul family of mine and I accept that; but I needed to keep them from Shamus.
“Don’t throw any money at it Chad. I don’t care what you do as long as he doesn’t know.”
Chad, God bless him, he was already in the heat of dealing with Carrie leaving him for cheating. He lived in a darkness all his own so I knew he understood needing to protect a broken heart.
“Cass, I would die, so would the boys, to protect you with this. But I know what keeping a secret can cost and I hate to cost you and Shame this. There is no guarantee that he wont find out. There is no guarantee from the paps that they wont leak this fucking nightmare anyway. I need to protect you first, but I have to protect him too Cass.” I could hear the pain and raw worry in his voice and I hated putting some of my best friends in this nightmare. I was blessed knowing they would gladly walk me out of hell hand in hand but I didn’t want them too.
“Chad, I deserved this. I kept this from Shamus, I lied to Corey and everyone else. This is my punishment and I will own it. I just don’t want him to think he needs to come and save me.”
“He wouldn’t think it Cass, he would come save you.”
“There is nothing to save Chad.”
“Cass-“
“Nope!” I replied after cutting him off. Let the media at it, let the world know what a complete mess I made of my life. Let them see that karma is truly a fucking cunt. If Shame finds out then it’s just my luck and I will own that too.
