You spend your life in a dream that you can't escape
'Cause you live your life in a coma, you're never awake
If you'd open your eyes then maybe you'd see what's at stake
You're sleeping, you're sleeping
NF~Wake Up
Chapter Twenty-Two
Noah
I watch as everyone but my sister and Bright come in. Raleigh heads to Cassa who is up and excited, but I am letting a slow brew on my anger trying to stay calm. After yesterday, I just wanted my family. Carrie invited everyone over for breakfast and dinner, deciding that Thanksgiving would be an all day event.
I needed to jam though, because my anxiety to skyrocketed and I was on little sleep. I head down the hall on the opposite end of the house, almost slipping in my socks on the wooden floor. I went into the practice room that was soundproof and slammed the door and roared long and hard.
I paced back and forth a minute but knew where my head was and fell down on the couch grabbing my guitar and strumming. I played some Alice and felt the rhythm that always moved me until I went off on my own.
I strummed and let the anger go, breathing deep and thinking shit through. That's what cost ninety thousand in therapy to help me heal. What irritated me was that she didn't get it. I had tried to get her to understand, but she swayed when put to the fire.
I shouldn’t have went alone, I knew that. Hell I was fine on the way in, but the way home I was a wreck. I couldn’t get it together at first. I finally just went to the airport and had Sev get my shit from the bus and he met me there, took his own flight into Gig this morning.
I thought I had the time to recover on the break before I had to face her, wanted to call her later. Damn if she ain't in my face when I don't need it, and too far when I do.
I hear the lock disengage and turn expecting Carrie and Bright, but it was the boys here to play. We jammed for a few hours, I got some writing done, Cal with some killer riffs. I was so road tired, it was gonna turn to tour tired soon because flying, though faster, was rough but we had breaks in the days with shows every few nights. If we went from New York, to New Jersey then Philly, we would drive it, but the majority we would fly and rest. Chad took the hardest beating with playing and singing that the end of the tour got easier for him which made it easier.
I kept playing, stopping to write and on we went until Carrie called on the room's line to tell us to come up if we wanted snacks. I stayed behind though even when Cal wanted me to come up, then threw some of his depth in when I least expect it.
He wanted to read what I wrote before he headed up, or so he told Chad and Shame. I know Chad told them about last night, because they'd been way too chill all day. I knew that they came to play to show me their support, but I was just fucked up over this girl and couldn’t get it out no matter how hard I played or wrote.
"Damn, you write some glorious fuckin songs man." Cal said and handed me the paper back.
I look at him, mid strum and pause with my hand on the strings and smile. "Glorious shit?"
"Well yeah…" I assume he is gonna creep into work mode and ruin Thanksgiving as he sits all pumped up next to me. "I know you're in a funk right now with Bright-"
"I saw my dad yesterday." I blurt it out and feel bad because Cal does not do stuff this ugly. It scares him.
"Holy shit Noah…" He slumps back in the chair and looks at me, true fear in his eyes. I see it, there under the fear. He hates my dad.
"I don't want Carrie to know yet. I think I freaked her out last night the way I showed up all sad and shit."
He nods, confirming Chad told them. "GQ spill the beans?" I ask, honestly just to see if I'm right.
"Chad? A little, but Carrie pulled us all aside when you were showering and told us if we pissed you off today she was kicking ass and that we would starve. Chad kinda broke it down after her rant."
I nod and start strumming again when he stops me. "Talk to me a minute."
Um, not the norm for us.
"The beat to this song is tough, but slower which I dig. Are you talking about life here, the road or something else entirely." Ok so I guess he was mixing business and friendship. Definitely not the norm, but the last few months he's been different. I don't know if it was Axe, T or both but he wasn't too scared to show his heart.
He must have thought I was confused because he clarified. "This line here,'I have been the world over, saw thousands at once and they’ve seen me at my worst. I'll show them all, the show goes on, I'll still fall down, I'll take it in, it ain't the first.' " He looks at the paper and shakes his head astonished. "Just, I dig it man."
"It's all that and the entirety. I'm not gonna use again Cal. I know you guys think I'm a liar and a junkie, but I been there done it and just need a bit of peace. I think that's what it's about."
He nods, actually seems to get it. "You're tired. I get it. Gotta be hard filling everyone else's shoes when they won't attempt to fill yours."
