"Don't hate me cause you ain't me." He says it like the arrogant fuck he is but I laugh anyway because he is, and will always be someone I trust even though I broke his.
I see Bright standing with Cassa and Carrie and T and groan to myself knowing Tay is probably wanting a status report from that fucking notebook she keeps on me.
I go straight to my piano and start testing keys, then to my bass to toy with it until sound gives us the go ahead to do a run of the set. After a few minor hiccups we play it through when Nick our main sound guy tells me to run through Fallen to test the piano.
I see Bright watching and I wished that she would hear it live, to experience the power of it in the setting I intended. More importantly after I had made peace with my past. She was rarely at the stage for sound check, but the Tri Cities are fucking boring and desolate and most only come here for the festivals they hold like the one tomorrow.
I look at her, for the first time in weeks and I hide nothing. My sorrow, fear, anger and regret all shine under the lights for her to see and I pray to God, I still have a chance.
Within the first few keys I stroke, I know I have her attention.
Bright
I watch as he sits behind a polished black grand piano, his eyes on me and a mixture of emotions spread on his face. "This is the first time he is playing this. The fans haven't even heard it." Carrie whispers to me. No possible way he could have heard her, but I don't whisper back.
"What album is it on?" I have all their albums, and a few songs he starts on piano, but this isn't familiar other than when he plays it on his guitar and even then I only hear the tune.
"None. It isn't a recorded song. He wrote it on this tour and has been practicing with the guys the last few weeks." She goes on, unaware I am now curious of the words in the song. The song he wrote with me on the bus. After telling me she was all he would ever want and I was who he wanted to fuck.
Lucky me, I know.
"They'll have camera crews there tomorrow and they are recording it for a single." Carrie ads and looks up as Chad's guitar comes in, and only symbols from Shame.
"The proceeds are going to a charity, most likely one against drunk driving." Cassa says and cheers all cute and sweet for her man.
"Why drunk driving?" I ask and the music stops while Nick says to start over so he can get less distortion.
"You don't know?" Carrie asks me confused, when the beginning tune plays again. He is now looking at the keyboard and seems to be focused on the sound as opposed to the song.
I shake my head no and look at them both. "Cans died in the wreck they were in. They were hit by a drunk driver who crossed the medium."
Carrie nods and looks at me with a sadness only loss of a personal nature can bring. "He had pulled to the side of the road because … well they were fucking." She looks at me with a blush of guilt and I shake my head.
"I know he loved her, I know he misses her and that he has a past that's deeper than the ocean. Can't really shock or offend me at this point Carrie."
Cassa leans in. "It wasn't like oh, lets pull over and fuck. He had proposed to her earlier that night. I know Noah wished he had just made her wait and tease him..." She looks at the stage with a frown when Nick says start again. "He told me once right before he got clean that he wished he would have made her wait until they were further from the bridge, three hundred feet and they would have been first on scene to witness and not the other way around."
I picture this in my head and I want to cry. I knew they were engaged, I knew the accident was after, but I didn't know the painting they gave me because Noah had left the true details out. "I can't imagine his pain, but I can make sense of his distance." I look up as he starts again, saddened by the regret he must feel and my own heart breaks for him.
Once Cal plays his riff, we look up and I get lost in the music of this seriously amazing, haunting song.
I can't say I am sorry anymore,
I can't stare at blank pages lining my floor.
I can't let it all go or find words to explain,
Just forget all the pain, realize I can't change."
The words as Chad sings tell the story Noah needed to tell the best way he could and I commend him for purging it in such a beautiful way. Honoring her with a charity that wanted to spare more lives like the tragedy that befell Candey True.
"I tried to fade away, but your ghost haunts me still
I have fallen, let it go now, I need to hold on to what's real.
I have fallen, Let me go now, it's too late for goodbye
I have fallen, I have fallen and hanging on is a lie
