Fuck I felt bad as it was, but knowing Tay made a point to fight with Black on not being here, but that she would be, well I felt like the worthless fuck I had become. I had betrayed everyone. Sure I had every excuse but in the end it was everyone else it hurt. “Yeah T, let me see.”
She was hesitant to hand me the papers but eventually she handed them over. Now I knew why she was reluctant.
“Non-negotiable demands.” I read the words that Tayla just spoke because they are in big bold letters at the top of the first page. Going through the basics, blah blah no drugs, drugs are bad, bad Noah! I read the last one that makes my stomach turn.
‘Under no circumstances will your free time on the tour be unattended other than hygienic reasons, ie using the restroom, bathing and grooming. The responsible party will be a sponsor approved by the bands Manager Tayla Livingston. This is not negotiable, should you fail to follow through on these terms you will be removed from the band, the bus and responsible for all liable charges.’
She had to know exactly what I was reading when I looked up and could see her prepped and ready to fight me on it.
“It has to be done Noah, there is no way around it. I know you are against talking to anyone, therapists or sponsors but it’s this or nothing. This is the hard limit here.”
“I have a sponsor T.” I say and focus on keeping my voice calm.
“No.” She says and it presses on my last nerve.
“Tay, a fucking sponsor? Interviewed by you? I have Jenny, you know her, the mother of your fucking son, the same woman who cannot under any circumstance be on a god damn tour bus! “
“Noah, Jen isn’t a sponsor, she is your friend. She hasn’t even got a year of sobriety and no way is Hessian going to approve her. You need a real sponsor with a clean unattached conscious. Jenny isn’t it.”
I run my hands over my face trying my hardest to not lose my shit when I hear Sully at the door to my booth. “I’ll do it. Noah will listen to me.”
“They won’t allow it. They know you, and they know you’ve never struggled with addiction.”
“This is bullshit Tay. I have the right to feel comforted with my sobriety by anyone who I see fit!” Holy fuck I was livid and ready to let them all fuck off.
“Noah at least try, please. I have some great candidates lined up, all with 1 to 5 years of sobriety under their belts and I narrowed it down to a list I think you’d approve of.” She leaned in, her violet eyes locked on mine in a plea, “please Noah, please do this and trust me to find the best person for you? Carrie can be there and make sure that who I pick is someone you would agree on.”
“Wait I can’t even be there to interview?” The you-gotta-be-fist-fucking-me went unsaid but she saw it clear in my eyes.
She didn’t need to tell me her answer, I could see it and feel it in her obvious discomfort. “No, unfortunately Hessian wants to make sure that the right person is their choice and in their hands.
One of the steps of sobriety is accepting things you cannot change, accepting you are powerless to your addiction. This proves I had lost all power. Everyone had lost their faith in me and that was the only reason I agreed to this whole fucking thing. I built TAT, in the garage of the Dorians and sweated my ass off making my fingers bleed and soul cry to get the perfect song. No fucking way would I walk on my boys now. I signed the order and stormed out of the PIT off to tell Jenny what was up.
