She looks at me then, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Brit couldn’t come back from it. She killed herself that fall when she learned that three of the eight got off with probation and forced to register as a sex offender. They had both been there but hadn't technically raped her." She shakes her head. "Everything but, and they got off on plea deals."
I took the blame every time my father raped Carrie. I blamed myself for playing trust me, for not accepting a beating. No matter what I did, Carrie paid the ultimate price. I understood Brights pain, and guilt, but it wasn't her fault.
"I have followed the charities she loved. I have charities I started in her name. I help everyone when they need it, The Brew gives free food three times a day to the homeless and last year I bought a mansion and turned it into a safe Haven for LGBT men and women who are shunned with no place to go. They work for me at either the Sage or the Brew and live there rent free for up to six months until they are able to get on their feet. I have counseling they can attend if they need and activities. Raleigh does most of the planning for me. Together we have saved so many lives because we show the, well, essentially we show them the gay life. The world that accepts them."
She wipes her face with a tissue and I am blown away, completely on the beautiful soul in front of me. I grab her and hug her, whether she liked it or not. Sometimes you just need a hug.
"You want to save me." It isn't a question, but it is the truth. She nods, but doesn’t move from my arms.
"I told Ral I wanted to do this and he thought I was nuts. He made me promise that if I did this, I would forgive myself."
I nod because I get it.
"I don't think I can though…" She says and pulls back from my embrace and steps around me to get her shit.
WTF?
"You're still leaving?" I ask, following her to her room, the panic back full force.
"Yeah I'm still pissed."
Oh fuck her. I can't win for losing with her.
I laugh in a non humorous broken kind of way and kick her door. "Well boo-fuckin-hoo girl! I don't know why you thought I needed saving! I saved me, me! I am just living the best I can!" I roar and storm from her room and head to the kitchen where Shame is sitting calm as a cucumber reading a Rolling Stone.
She follows me, stopping for a brief second when she see's Shame but it doesn't keep from yelling at me. "Well if you're saved why am I here?"
"Not my choice and you fuckin know it" I seethe and drink right from the bottle of Skyy. "I'm a fuckin pawn in their game! And don't get all snotty thinking I ruined your plans. You are just pissed off I wouldn’t fuck you!"
She went ten shades of red and I saw Shame stand to intervene just she slapped me. It burned, but I liked it. I am a twisted son of a bitch and I don't fucking care.
I laugh in her face.
"You should have read my bio baby, you'd know I'm not effected by pain." I step into her space and we are nose to nose. "It fuels me."
She stepped back and now Shame is between us, eyeballing me. "Let's go Noah." He isn't asking and I know I am a live wire right now, but no matter how hurt, or pissed, I am no danger to her.
"Fuck that this is my bus, and Fancy pants over there loves to run when she can't take the heat, so let her run."
"Fuck you!" She says and walks away.
"I tried already!" I yell back and now Shame is forcing me back to the door.
"Stu, God Dammit get in here!" He roars and shoves me. "You wanna fight you fight me, leave the fucking girl alone!" He roars, but Stu has me from behind pulling me with my arms behind my back.
I rip my arms from his hold once I am outside, Shame following. I roar into the night and punch the side of the bus three times before Shame pushes me again. "Calm the fuck down!"
Chad and Cal come running on scene trying to figure out what the fuck is going on. When Shame leaves me there to go talk to them out comes Lady Fix-it for another round.
"You act like I haven't heard you every single night when you think I'm asleep." She said, with a snide tilt of her lips.
I laugh and see Shame, Cal and Chad come rushing to me, but I am calm once again having beat the aggression out on the bus, but they stay blocking me from her like she's in danger, what the fuck ever.
Douchebags.
"You think I didn't know that?" I ask and see the fear in her eyes that I knew damn well she was awake.
"Liar." She seethes and I only laugh harder.
