I shake my head and scrub my face. "I rely on you to keep them safe for me…" My words falter and I sit down, all anger leaving and turning to sadness in a flash.
I hear him sigh, but its understanding. "Noah, this shit is gonna kill you long before any vice can if you don't catch a grip here." He looks at me and I see that bond between us. "I got Carrie and Noelle, they are my life dude, no matter what. When I married her, hell when I saidall in,I did it knowing that she would always need you. I try to be what she needs where the bad shit comes in to play, even if I can't help. But she needs that connection to you to keep her strong. Bro I can't replace that. I can't save her the way you can. I accept it as best as I can, but you gotta fix what's up there because I can't."
"Dude I dry humped a girl I want way the fuck more than I should about ten minutes ago, so we can't tackle this shit right now."
He laughs and shakes his head in astonishment. "What the fuck happened?"
I shake mine in astonishment. "Dude, it wasnoton purpose."
Laughing he sits beside me. "I hate when you slip and fall on wet pussy."
I laugh and look at him. "I like her…"
What it does for me to admit this…it's impossible to describe.
He seems to think on what to say, or maybe he thinks I'm insane. "Noah… Why can't you like her? How is it wrong to want to be happy again?"
"Guilt." I say immediately, knowing exactly what is crawling at me.
"Dude I don't want to imagine what you go through, but I knew Candey. She was my wife's best friend and my good friend, and her soul would want you to be happy Noah. She loved you-" I get up and start pacing unable to hear this, but the feel of his hand on my shoulder stops me.
"Noah, listen to me. I get that this is raw and brutal. But she loved you so fucking much bro. You being happy is what she would want, I fucking promise you that. You need to find a way to get past that and know life goes on."
I know, I do. I know it, but it doesn’t change that I feel like the worst scumbag. I feel like I cheated, and how fucked up is that? I cheated on a ghost.
