I pull back and look at the mess between us, how it’s a symbol to the big fucking screw up we just made. But I still smile and then look at her. "He can fuckin wait."
I stand from the bed and grab the washcloth from earlier, rewetting it and head in to clean her up. "I can do that Noah." She says and reaches for the cloth.
"My mess and all."
"It's fine-"
"Stop. I'll clean you." I rub the spots its smeared on her, avoiding any thought of how much I love my come on her. She is so stiff though it's pissing me off. I need to save at least a fraction of the friendship we've built this far. "Stop acting like you're sorry, even if you are. We are consenting adults and that shit was hot as fuck. Don't over think it or try to figure it out and chill. Feel me?"
A small smile lines her lips and I know damn well she'll over think it because it's what chicks do, but for now she's cool so I will be cool.
I run the washcloth over my chest and sack, my thoughts going a mile a minute and I lock myself in the bathroom so luckily she can't see me panic. I am freaked out that I lost control, a fuck ton of times. I lost control and almost fucked her, would have if GQ hadn't called my name and cleared the haze long enough for me to not fucking come inside her.
Thank God for cock blockers like Blake.
I'm fully panicking that I wanted to taste her, keep at her all fuckin day. My heart isn't clear for the taking and I can't offer her shit. I think of Candey and like that, I bend and empty my stomach in the toilet.
I hope like hell she didn't hear me vomit.
I brush my teeth again and head to get a shirt from my room when I see Chad sitting on the bed, head in his hands and Bright nowhere to be seen.
Fucking stay calm… I tell myself, but a thousand different reasons why she bailed run through my head and I am fucking tired of her bailing.
"She's in her room. Said she needed to dress." Chad says, the words muffled slightly from his head in his hands. He sits up and looks at me with a strange kind of sorrow. I don't know if it's for me, or for her or for what? "Wanna tell me why her hair was fresh fucked and she was wearing your boxers?"
I brush my hand over my face and down the back of my head and toss the rag in the bathroom before slamming the door. My cool officially bailed out too.
I sit beside Chad and look at him, hand over my mouth in contemplation. I shake my head no.
"Gotta tell me something Bro. You aren't the type to do well on unstable ground."
I nod and look to him for answers. "I didn't fuck her."
He nods and stands to lean against the wall. "But you wanted to?"
"Almost did, damn near ready to slide into home when you yelled my name." I know I look like a fucking sixteen year old, trying to wear a grown mans suit. "Please, for the love of God don't tell Carrie."
He shakes his head adamantly. "No way dude. I would have to listen to her bitching all night."
I laugh without humor. "I hate that I keep fucking up!"
"Well, you knew you'd get her to want you. It was a matter of time. Congrats Noah, you have officially let your dick back you into a corner."
And here comes a lecture, another one. There's been like a million.
And I am tired of listening.
"I don't need this shit Chad! Fuck I am so sick of either seeing puppy dog eyes because you guys pity me, or seeing the disappointment at my being me!" I slam my hand on my chest and stand so we are face to face and on equal ground. "I am still me. I didn't toss her out of bed or tell her it meant nothing. I couldn’t do shit because you popped in to, what? To make sure I wasn't dead? I'm not, so there you go. Now, I need to do damage control because what just happened left no room to talk after due to this visit."
He can think I'm a dick and do what he wants with it. Point I was trying to make, was that his interruption made the aftermath awkward as fuck.
"No you ungrateful fuck I dropped in too just see my friend." He kicks off the wall in a furious jerk and kicks my bed, turning back on me. "You barely talk to me. I'm your fucking brother, been your best friend since they day you showed up in Gig. For some fuckin reason unknown to all of us, you dipped out on Carrie and have locked her out of your life and in turn mine." He gets close to my face now and points at me and I am trying so fucking hard to not knock him on his ass.
"I gave you the space you need when you detoxed. I let you be distant to mourn, hell I even stayed quiet when you attacked mywifeafter sending that girl away like she was nothing.Nothing!" He roared and pushed me hard enough to force me back a step.
Breathe Noah, breathe.
"You touch me once that's all the pause you'll get. Put your fuckin hands on me again and I will land you on your ass." I spoke through clenched teeth. "I love you and I love Carrie, but I am too connected to her to get through this holding her hand." I feel tears of anger threaten to break free and I won't fuckin allow it. "I have been her rock, I have been all of you guys rock and I am not strong enough to be weak right now."
