Ukobach waved a hand over himself, and he was back in his human glamour.
When I opened the door, I wasn’t surprised to see Romanus and Rouen there. Their consort, Rella, was a surprise though. She smiled at Ukobach, an eyebrow raised. “It smells like sweaty ball sacks and used gym socks in here.”
Uko shrugged. “It isn’t every day an incubus literally lands on your doorstep. Come in.”
He stepped aside, and Hell’s most feared hunters walked in and took their boots off. Becoming a pack with Rella had definitely domesticated them.
Rouen looked at me with a soft expression. “You look good, Krax. Hecto had a great time then?”
I nodded, unable to form the words. Hecto might have had a good time, but I had the best thirty-seven hours of my life.
Elsie appeared, and Rella turned to smile. “Hey!”
Smiling back, Elsie hugged the woman who was considered the Princess of Hell. She had the ear of the devil himself, and the heart of his most deadly weapons, and Elsie hadhuggedher and been hugged in return. This little mortal was more powerful than I could imagine, just from her kindness. “You look great, Elsie. Love looks good on you.”
“Thanks, I’ve?—”
Whatever Elsie was going to say was lost under a rumble of gargoyles. “Krax, what have you done?” Romanus spat out, and I took a step back. Uko gathered Elsie up and put her behind him.
“What do you mean?” I was proud that my voice was strong and not a scared squeak. An angry gargoyle was a thing to be feared.
“You had sex with the mortal?” Romanus’s hiss was almost as terrifying as his growl. I looked at Rouen, but he appeared just as concerned, if not spitting the same kind of fire. Only Rella seemed as confused as the rest of us.
“Obviously he had sex with mortals, Rom. His dick was in a free-for-all across Chicago.” She looked at Elsie. “And I’d hardly begrudge any of them a little mattress marathon before he gets shipped back to Hell. What’s your problem?”
He looked at Rouen and back at Rella, and in a puff of something noxious, all three disappeared again. Their boots by the door were the only indication they’d even been here.
“What the fuck just happened?” Elsie said at the closed door.
I had no idea, but one thing I did know was that it wasn’t good.
My suspicion was confirmed five minutes later when Lucifer himself arrived.
“If I had a nickel for every time I had to do this, I’d have two nickels, but it’s weird it happened twice,” was the first thing he said.
Elsie frowned, blissfully unaware of who the person in front of her was. “Did you just quotePhineas and Ferb?”
“Estrella is teaching me about memes,” he replied. I wished Rella was in the room right now, because she somehow humanized the very embodiment of fuck around and find out.
Sweet, mortal Elsie gave him a thumbs-up. “That was a good one to start with. Uh, can I help you with anything?”
Lucifer looked at me and then back at Elsie, and then over at Uko. “Good to see you, Ukobach.”
The inferior demon in question swallowed hard. “I’d say the same, my lord, but you can detect lies, and honestly, you scare the shit out of me.”
Lucifer laughed. “Rightly so.”
Frowning, Elsie was mouthing, “My lord?” and I could tell the moment she realized who the man in the living room was and why Uko and I looked like we were about to run away screaming. “Fuck me, you’re the Devil!”
The corners of Lucifer’s lips twitched. “You can call me Luc. I’ll be unable to partake in the fucking part. My beloved is back in Hell, and she’s kind of territorial.” Understatement. She hated my mother and aunts with a rage that knew no bounds. They were rightfully scared shitless of her too.
As if he could sense the direction of my thoughts, Luc sighed. “We have a predicament right now, Krax. The irresponsibility of your detachable penis has led to quite an issue, or perhaps it was the presence of Ukobach that caused the issue. This is what happens when I’mnice,” he said, gritting his teeth. I wasn’t sure nice was an adjective often attached to Lucifer, but I wasn’t going to argue.
Uko was standing in front of Elsie, trying to be subtle but failing miserably. “I’m not sure any of us understand, sir.”
“Well, you left your little imp on Elsie’s body, which has somehow made her a denizen of Hell of a sort. It never wouldhave been a problem, but for the odd combination of incubus and kraken mating habits.” Lucifer rolled his eyes, like my existence was tedious. “Turns out, the imp on your skin isn’t the only parasite you now carry.” We all blinked at him. What was he getting at? He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Congrats, you’re expecting the first ever kraken-incubus-mortal hybrid.” He looked at me. “Can you see why that might be a problem?”
Oh fuck. I looked at Hecto, who had the good sense to hide from me and the Lord of Hell, who appeared deceptively calm if you didn’t look at the literal fire burning in his eyes. “This is all your fucking fault.”
