A sudden hollow feeling settles in my chest, but I don’t let it take root. I can’t dwell on the sadness of everything I lost when Tyler walked away.
The reminder of my ex sobers me. I can’t believe he thought he could walk back into my life after everything he did, with his bullshit apologies and some bullshit excuse about having cold feet. I bet his feet were perfectly warm on the beach in Mexico.
“Mama, I’m hungry,” Emmy says.
“Come on then.” Olivia holds out her hand. “Let’s get you some lunch before you wither away.”
Emmy slides her much smaller hand into Olivia’s. “Bye, Auntie Lina. Bye, Uncle Griff.”
Griffin places Gracie in Olivia’s outstretched arm, and they disappear up the cobblestone path toward the big house.
I stroll to the fence and look out over the west pasture as Storm gallops past with Memphis following close behind. Griffin steps up beside me, propping his elbows on the gate. As often as I’ve visited this ranch in the last three years, I’ve never stopped long enough to take it in. It’s beautiful, peaceful in a way I don’t think I’ve ever experienced. It feels like we’re in our own little world out here.
There’s no past or future. Only right now.
“You’re quiet,” Griffin says.
“Just taking in the view.” I gaze over the landscape from the lush green hills to the mountains that fade into the background like a watercolor painting. “It’s breathtaking. Almost doesn’t seem real.”
I look up into Griffin’s fathomless eyes.
Eyes that have been trained on me the entire time we’ve been standing here. He shakes his head. “God, I hope it is.”
Chapter 13
Unconditional
? Sweetest Devotion - Adele
Angelina
Three weeks later
I usually lovedays off when I can lounge around the house in nothing but an oversized T-shirt and underwear. No bra, obviously. I’m convinced they were created by the devil himself.
Today’s not just any day off, though. I have an appointment with my OBGYN for my annual checkup. I’ve been dreading it ever since the reminder popped up on my phone last week.
At my last visit, I talked about planning a wedding and trying for a baby. Now I’m married to another man and not even getting laid, let alone pregnant.
After a quick shower, I throw on a pair of leggings, atank top, and, begrudgingly, a bra, then I put my hair in a messy bun. It’s all the glam I can muster with how tired I’ve been.
Between work and spending extra time at the ranch with Sadie, I’ve been more exhausted than usual. Sadie’s adjusting well to her new home, but she seems to only want to eat when I’m around. So, I visit twice a day to make sure she’s getting the nutrition she needs. I’ve taken to eating two meals a day with a horse, but I don’t mind. She’s not the worst company. Sometimes, Griffin joins us, but those days are few and far between. He has a lot going on, too.
Our shotgun wedding has become an elusive thing. He tried to bring it up a few times, but I shut him down, and eventually, he stopped trying. I don’t have the emotional bandwidth to deal with such a serious conversation, one that deserves my full attention. My focus has been on work and piecing myself back together as best I can. Everything else will have to wait.
Griffin is a flirt, of course—I don’t think he can help it. More than once, I’ve left the ranch only to come home and spend some one-on-one time with my vibrator.
I grab the keys off the hook near the door and head out to my van. It’s early morning still, so the drive to the doctor’s office is peaceful. I’m the only person in the waiting room when I check in, and it doesn’t take long before a nurse with a clipboard calls my name.
It’s a routine appointment: weight check, blood pressure check. Then she hands me a plastic cup with a lid. After I finish giving my sample, the nurse shows me to a room and hands me a paper gown.
“The doctor will be in shortly.”
“Thanks.”
When the door closes, I do the customary thing all women do—tuck my panties under my folded clothes and sit my bareass on the cold, crinkly paper. It feels like a humiliation ritual every time.
By the time the doctor arrives, my toes are frozen, and I’m silently cursing the air conditioning. My nipples could cut glass. Would it kill them to turn the heat up a bit? I’m not a polar bear.
