"Namier!" I grabbed him before he could do more damage. Wrapped my arms around him tight and pulled him close. "I got you. I got you. Calm down, man."
"Zaire's in there DEAD, nigga!" he screamed into my chest. "Our brother is in there and we need to see him. I gotta see him man.”
I held him tighter, letting him feel me there. My grip on him was solid. Present. Not going anywhere.
"I got you," I said again, and I meant that shit with everything in me. I turned to one of the guards who was headed over to possibly arrest Namier. The look in his face told me that he didn’t care what the fuck we had going on personally. He had a job to do, and he looked like he’d been waiting to make an example out of niggas.
“I'll cover any costs. Damage, whatever it is. Just excuse him. Our bother is back there and we hear someone might be dead. It’s a lot of emotions right now and my brother here lost his cool, but I got him now. Just tell me about my brother other brother Zaire Carter. Is it him?”
The guard had his face scrunched up, with his brows raised as he nodded about excusing Namier. He held a scowl and ignored me while I asked for information. Any other time, I’d fuck some shit up, but I knew that now wasn’t the time.If I wanted any information, I needed to stay calm and keep a level headalthough I wanted to do way more damage in this bitch than Namier just did.
Tyree was already working the phone, calling people, using whatever connections he had.
That was the lawyer in him. The man who knew how to navigate systems.
Tatti sat down in one of the plastic chairs against the wall, her purse in her lap, watching everything happening around her like she was trying to understand this world I lived in. I knew a girl like her had to be scared right now. Although her father wasn’t shit, he raised her in a totally different way than I was raised. She was sheltered, but was soon about to learn how dangerous the real world was over here.
After a few minutes, I looked at Namier. Looked at the way his whole body was shaking. I knew my brother better than anybody and I knew that if I didn’t calm him all the way down now, he was just a time bomb waiting to explode.
"Come on," I said quietly. "We need some air."
I took him outside into the night. The parking lot was empty except for our truck and a few others. The air was cool. Dark. Everything felt wrong. This was a feeling of darkness that just hovered over a nigga and wouldn’t let go. I couldn’t break down now though. I had to keep this shit together.
I grabbed his face with both my hands and made him look directly at me.
"Calm down!" I said, my voice firm but not mean. "Right now, this is when we gotta stay strong. We gotta get answers. We gotta think straight. If you ain’t never prayed a day in your life, nigga,now is the time. And I mean a real prayer, with everything you got! That’s all that’ll help us right now. You can’t automatically jump to the worst conclusion just cause that bitch ass nigga called and said they killed Zaire. You know our brother better than that. If he let these hoe ass niggas take him out like that, then I’m gone kill his ass again my damn self. If the worst comes to worse, we'll be making niggas mommas cry behind this shit. But, as Carters, we can't move prematurely. You understand me? We need solid answers from these pigs first, then we’ll crash.” I spoke to my brother, calm but stern. I was hurting just like he was hurting but we needed facts first, so I needed him to chill for a minute.
Namier's eyes were red and glossy with tears.
"Being a man ain't about reacting first and moving on impulse," I continued. "That's how niggas die. That's how we lose. Being a man is about keeping your head when everything around you is falling apart. For Zaire. We do this for Zaire. We stay solid. We stay together. We handle this the right way."
Namier took a shaky breath and nodded. I could see him pulling himself together. Putting that mask back on. The one all of us wore when shit got heavy. My brother was too upset to speak and I respected that. I already knew how he was. He didn’t play about his siblings. He just needed to hear what I had to say without having all that extra noise around us. Now, I had gotten him calm, and where I wanted him.
"Let's go back in," I said.
We walked back inside and Tatti was already on her feet with two cups of water. She handed one to me and one to Namier without saying anything. She just watched him as he took a sip.
Namier looked her in the eyes.
"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "For how I acted back at the house. That shit wasn't cool."
Tatti shook her head. "It's good. I don't even know what you talking about."She lied, basically letting him know that all was forgiven and forgotten.
No judgment. No attitude. Just understanding that he was dealing with something heavy and it wasn't about her.
We stood there waiting. All of us just existing in that moment. Not talking. Not moving. Just waiting for information about my baby brother. All kind of memories flooded my mind. Zaire was the middle brother who thought he was the oldest brother. That nigga always tried to boss me around like I wasn’t the big dawg and big brother. Zaire was also the brother who took the blame for shit me and Namier did as kids. He was my moms miracle baby. That nigga was born hella early, so my moms always sheltered and spoiled him. She treated him different and we all knew that. He used that shit to protect us whenever we did wrong and he’d always take the blame.
Right now, my heart was hurting like a muthafucka had reached in my chest and ripped my shit out. I couldn’t show emotions though. That’s not what I was built on. I had already shed my tears in the car. Now, I had to get this information and move accordingly. I could already feel my trigger finger itching, and I was scared for what I’d do next.
An hour passed. Maybe more. Time felt different in a place like this.
Then Tyree came walking back through the doors. And the second I saw his face, I knew.
His head was down. His expression was sad. He was walking slow like he was carrying some heavy ass weight.
Everybody held their breath.
Namier's whole body went limp with defeat at the sight of Tyree. Tatti stood up. I felt my chest get tight. I wanted to scream because the look on his face was letting me know that shit was bad. Real bad.
