NOVA SHAW
My childhood was a constant drumbeat of shame and fear. I was still little when the world learned my daddy was a violent sexual predator and murderer. Though I no longer remembered him well, I recalled how happy my family of four felt back then.
My mother and brother—Laverne and Dan Shaw—never again smiled like they did when I was a kid. Our family was broken, long before the three of us went our separate ways.
These days, Laverne was dead, while Dan had fallen in love with Lula Reed. As for me, I still felt lost like I did when I was a kid.
I had experienced three big shakeups in my life. The first happened when my dad was convicted of his crimes, and Laverne moved us to our maternal grandparents’ town. The second was more than a decade later, when Dan came to Laverne’s funeral and found me pregnant and battered. He took my daughter Skylar and me away from my abusive husband. The third was earlier this year, when Dan fell for Lula, and we moved to a town dubbed “Little Memphis.”
Tallulah “Lula” Reed was the lawyer for the local Crimson Guard Motorcycle Club and a member. I never knew women could ride in these clubs. Dan’s Baton Rouge-based club, Black Rainbow, certainly didn’t have female members.
After struggling to make friends in Baton Rouge for years, I loved living in Little Memphis. Lula’s family was always around. Her sister Sabrina was a tough chick with two girlfriends, Moe and Xandy. Her sister Vanessa was a sensitive mechanic who didn’t do relationships. Her brother Rowdy was a funny yet scary guy who loved his dog.
There were also Lula’s cousins, Clint and Elle. Plus, Clint’s petite wife, Ivy, was also new to Little Memphis. Along withLula’s family, I was embraced by the Crimson Guard’s “foxes,” who lived at the Sorority House on a large estate on the north side of town.
Though I doubted I could ever be a tough chick like those women, I loved spending time with them. I also thought they were a good influence on my girls, five-year-old Skylar and four-year-old Lyric.
That’s why, on Skylar’s early release day from kindergarten, I drove them to the Sorority House to play.
The large white house had front pillars and two wraparound porches. I spotted Jaslene Tooker on the top one, rocking in a chair and strumming her guitar. She often played with the Crimson Guard band. I suspected she was practicing for Dan’s upcoming wedding, which would be held at the Sorority House.
“Hey, little foxes,” Jas said and leaned over the railing to smile down at us.
Jas’s straight, dark hair was tied into two braids with sparkling pink puffs. I noticed how Skylar touched her loose blonde hair, likely wanting braids. The girls were always mimicking the behavior they saw from the Crimson Guard foxes. I didn’t blame them. I wanted to be cool, too.
Jas came downstairs and handed lollipops to the girls. She also insisted I take one.
“Life is short,” she said as she sucked at a red lollipop. “Don’t deny yourself of the small joys.”
Sharing her smile, I felt myself loosening up in a way I had struggled to do for most of my life. Back in South Dakota, I’d played roles—the dutiful daughter, the hard worker, the submissive wife, the self-sacrificing mom. Having never felt safe being myself in a real way, I wasn’t even sure who the real me was anymore.
The Sorority House brought out my fun side. This beautiful house was filled with colorful furniture and quirky designs. Thefoxes were loud and unfiltered. They cussed and fought like men. More than once, they’d laughed at my reaction to their sex talk. Life here was free in a way that it had never been back in South Dakota with my maternal family.
The girls walked confidently through the long downstairs hallway to the back porch. They pointed at Stevie Swanson in the yard nearby.
Hiding under a pile of blankets with only her face visible, Cher Swanson asked, “Are you excited about the wedding?”
Startled, I looked around before spotting her resting on one of the outside couches.
“Are you okay?” I asked while the girls hid behind me.
“I had a rough day with physical therapy. I’m trying to rest, but I get lonely in my room.”
“Who’s that?” Skylar whispered to me.
“It’s our friend, Cher. She isn’t feeling well.”
“Cher?” Lyric asked from behind me.
“The one with green hair,” Skylar told her little sister while inching closer to the couch. “Are you hiding?”
“No, I’m cranky.”
“I’m cranky, too,” Skylar said and sighed loudly. “School is hard.”
“We should eat chocolate.”
Lyric stopped hiding behind me and hurried over to Cher. “I’m cranky, too.”
