My heart twists in my chest, and my throat closes as if the past has come alive to literally choke me. I stumble back from Shane, grabbing my neck as if there’s a physical grip there I can break.
“Hyacinth?” he says, his eyes troubled. “Are you okay?”
No.
“Yes,” I mumble, trying not to cry. “I’m fine. I just want to sleep.”
“Okay,” he says, hovering in the doorway. I glare at him, my arms wrapped protectively around my body.
Get out, just go! Please just go away!
“Alright,” he says, stepping back. “We’ll talk in the morning.”
He stands there awkwardly for another couple of seconds, then shrugs and steps back, closing the door behind him. I stagger over to the narrow little camp bed and fall into it, wrapping the sleeping bag around me as I curl up into a tight little ball.
I have to keep a clear head. I can’t let it happen again, no matter what!
Even though I’m completely exhausted, I can’t relax, and I stay curled up under the sleeping bag for a long time, barely even breathing as I try to empty my mind and forget my past.
It might be better to remember it, I remind myself. That might be the only way to stop it from happening again.
Chapter 5 - Shane
After showing Hyacinth to the spare room, I walk slowly up the hall to my own bedroom and try to ignore the uneasy feeling rising in my guts.
Have I done the right thing?
I never expected Trina and Sadie to agree with what I did, but I also didn’t expect them to come right out and say Hyacinth might be the wrong one.
Not just might—she probably is.
I sit down heavily on the end of the bed and put my head in my hands. My temples have started to throb, and my chest is tight, and I know it doesn’t have anything to do with the sickness.
I’ve never had anxiety in my entire life, but this is a good time to start.
I really thought the others believed Hyacinth was the one, and they were only hesitating because they didn’t want to overturn her life. Now I find out they really think she’s not the missing piece.
A soft groan slips through my lips. I shake my head, trying to ease the throbbing pain in my temples. Looking back on my actions, I can see how senseless they were, and a sick sense of horror fills my gut as I realize this can’t be easily undone.
I didn’t expect the ritual to work immediately, but I did expect some kind of reaction. But I felt nothing, absolutely nothing, and I still don’t.
I take a deep breath and lay back on the bed, the tension singing through my veins. The longer I think about it, the moresure I am that I’ve made a mistake. A mistake that might turn out to be fatal.
Regret fills me, and the road ahead of me looks tainted with hopelessness. Helping my pack will now take twice as long, and calculating how many of them might die while we fix my mistake causes a twist of pain deep in my chest.
Covering my face with my hands, I try to force the horrible thoughts out of my head and think about something, anything else. To my surprise, the first image that comes to mind is Hyacinth standing in front of me in the hall, right before she went into the spare room. There was a moment, a very small one, where she looked at me, and I sensed softness in her.
The way she tilted her head… it was like she almost smiled at me.
My mind lingers on the image of her pretty face, her lips in a cute little pout, and her beautiful, big violet eyes, so dark and deep they remind me of amethyst crystal set in the walls of an underground cave.
The pain in my chest eases a little as I admit to myself that she is very beautiful—and strong. Under different circumstances, I wouldn’t mind getting to know her better.
I like the way she stood up to me. Life with Hyacinth definitely wouldn’t be boring.
A small smile curves my lips as I think about how she fired back at me without hesitation, and how much she threw down when I was kidnapping her.
I didn’t expect a human to fight back like that. Maybe I’ve misjudged them.
