You don’t think, you know, it says.
I try to dismiss it. Try to reason with the sudden emotion I feel like I’m drowning in, but there’s no stopping it. Not now, with the knowledge taking root like a tree, unmovable against my denial.
Macallan slowly pulls out and I hear the rustle of his pants seconds before he’s tugging me upright. Turning to face him, when the intensity of his eyes meets mine, I almost let the words spill past my lips. I almost say exactly what I’m feeling.
But then he lowers his mouth to mine and like always, the world washes away. Every thought leaves my head in an instant as I am pulled into the vortex that is Macallan Stewart.
He’s a storm. Violent and without mercy.
So what does it say about me that all I want to do is lose myself in the chaos? That I want to live in his destruction forever?
It says that I am totally and royally fucked.
As if I didn’t already know that much...
TWO YEARS LATER
“Earth to Maisie.” Someone snaps in front of my face and I startle, having lost myself to the reminisce of the dream I woke from this morning that still feels like a thousand-pound weight sitting on my shoulders.
Macallan...
God, how I’ve tried not to think about that time with him, a time where I thought we might actually be something incredible together. A time I’d soon rather forget. Unfortunately, even in sleep, he still haunts me.
“What?” I blink, trying to snap out of it.
“I asked, how’s the new roommate?” Charlotte grins, her green eyes lit with a hint of amusement.
“You mean your replacement?” I huff, letting out a slow sigh as my gaze bounces between her and Lyric—my twobest friends whom I adore with everything that I am. Though I can’t deny that I’m a little perturbed with them, considering they’ve both now abandoned me for a man.
We all lived together our freshman year of college, and while it was somewhat of a rough year for me—thank you, Macallan Stewart—living with them made it bearable. I didn’t have a lot of female friends growing up, and I quickly realized how much I needed them when things got hard. Sophomore year, Lyric moved in with her beau, Kai, leaving just me and Char, and while we bickered like an old married couple, I was sad to see her go when she moved out toward the end of the last school year to live with her man, River.
Not that I’m not happy for them—of course I am. I just hate that while they’re living on cloud nine, both so in love it’s nauseating at times, I’m still partaking in meaningless hookups and trying to pretend that’s all I want. In truth, I want what they have... I always have.
I guess some of us simply don’t deserve that kind of happiness.
“She makes Lyric look like a rebel.” I snort, lifting my coffee to my lips to take a tentative sip.
This is the first time I’ve seen either of them since I returned to campus three days ago. Not that I didn’t see them a ton over the summer. I did. Given that they both live in apartments just off campus, and my parents’ house is just fifteen minutes away, we spent most of the break together.
“Oh no. Did you get landed with a dud?” Char visibly pouts.
While I missed Char, I didn’t mind having the room to myself for a couple of months at the end of last year when she moved out, but given that I’m on an athletic scholarshipand don’t really have the luxury of opting for a single, I was forced to move in with a new roommate this year.
“Let’s put it this way. Classes haven’t even started and she’s already complaining that I’m distracting.”
“Distracting?” Lyric quirks a brow, pushing her light brown hair over her shoulder as she readjusts in her chair.
“Apparently, she’s finishing her summer reading list and how dare I, I don’t know, get dressed in the room where I live. She gets mad when I come and go. When I make too much noise by simply moving around the room. She even complained about me watching a movie on my laptop, and I was wearing headphones.” I groan. “I can’t even breathe without her throwing daggers at me.”
“Oh no.” Char’s face fills with apology, but there’s still a hint of amusement in her eyes that tells me part of her finds it a little funny.
“You could always request a room transfer.” Lyric’s hazel eyes are soft with understanding. While Char is unapologetic and a bit of an asshole sometimes, Lyric is a saint. Quite literally, the sweetest person you will probably ever meet on the face of the planet. Both are very different, and yet, I love them equally for different reasons. Even if I do want to throat punch Charlotte from time to time.
“I already tried,” I whine. “Yesterday, when I came back from soccer to change before leaving again, she complained that it was also too distracting. I tried to explain to her that between classes and soccer, I would likely be coming and going frequently. She justlovedthat. Anyway, so I went to the housing office because if she’s already complaining this much after three days, I can’t imagine how bad it’s going to be after three weeks, or three months, but there’s nothing else available. Basically, I’m stuck, unless I want to pay for an apartment or live with my parents this year andcommute, which I certainly do not. The biggest draw for my athletic scholarship is that itincludeshousing.”
“I’m so sorry, Mais.” Lyric reaches across the table and gives my hand a gentle squeeze. “I can’t help but feel somewhat responsible.”
“No. This isn’t on you. Either of you.” I shake my head, wishing I had tied my hair up when the too-thick strands brush across my back, drawing my attention to the small beads of sweat at the nape of my neck.
