“Why? You made it pretty clear you didn’t want her.” He knocks his shoulder against mine as we enter the noisy locker room.
“You know damn well thatwantingher was never the problem.”
“Ah, and the plot thickens.”
“Fuck off,” I grumble, heading toward my locker where I shuck off my pads and guzzle half a bottle of water in one drink.
Two years. It’s been two years since Maisie and I... And while I’m no stranger to letting girls down, letting her down was harder than even I would like to admit.
Truth is, I wanted her... Fuck, I still want her.
I shake off the thought, turning my focus to Coach as he goes over the schedule for practice and team meetings for the week ahead. At least we have tomorrow off.
But right now, I need food, sleep, and getting laid wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. Maybe it would help relieve some of the stress weighing on me like thousand-pound boulders sitting on my shoulders.
Maisie’s face flashes through my mind, but I don’t let it linger. It would be so easy to let myself have her. To take what I so desperately want with no fucks to be given.
I think back on her new roommate, shaking my head.
No matter how much I tell myself that their housingarrangement for this year is a coincidence, I can’t ignore the nagging feeling that tells me Lana somehow made this happen. I wouldn’t put it past her. Hell, I wouldn’t put anything past her.
The only real question I have iswhy. Why set her sights on Maisie? Sure, she saw us kissing that night nearly two years ago, but we’ve barely spoken since then. I’ve made sure of it. So why, out of all the women I’ve hooked up with, is she focusing on her?
Because she knows...
I dismiss the thought as soon as it enters my head.
There’s no way she knows how I felt about Maisie or why I chose to blow her off two years ago when she was standing right in front of me, offering what I so desperately wanted. I told myself it was my lame-ass attempt to protect her, but really, I know it was to protect myself, and that’s just the lie I tell myself so I don’t feel like the biggest fucking asshole.
Who am I kidding? I am an asshole. I’ve always been an asshole. Always cared more for myself than I do for others. Isn’t that what got me in this Lana predicament to begin with? That I fucked her without any thought about how she might feel or how she might interpret it?
Perhaps if I had made my intentions known up front, perhaps if she knew going in that it was only sex, she wouldn’t have latched onto me the way she did. A part of me can’t help but feel sorry for her. Though the larger part of me just wishes she would go the fuck away and never come back.
Eight more months, I remind myself.
Eight more months and I’ll be free.
Graduation can’t come soon enough.
