“Please, Noah, don’t stop.”
He threads our fingers together and places our entwined hands above my head, pressing a soft kiss to my waiting lips as he keeps up his movements, placing his other hand under my hips, angling me into a better position, my walls clenching around him as he pistons his own hips into me harder and deeper.
My toes curl, and my thighs clamp around him as I feel my orgasm begin to build, signaling the end is near, and feeling conflicted because it can’t be. I’m still not ready, but truthfully, will I ever be? We are a mixture of breathless pants and moans of pleasure as we hold on to each other in a desperate attempt to hold on to this moment for as long as possible.
“I’m so close,” I pant.
“Me too,” he says. I want to stay like this with him forever, but I couldn’t stop the inevitable even if I wanted to. He flexes his fingers, squeezing our entangled hands, letting me know he’s here with me. I lift my hips a little more, hitting my sweet spot once again, making my core tighten. This isn’t just fucking; this is making love, and I realize that it has never felt like this before, not with anyone, not until now, with him. With him, I feel safeto be vulnerable, to let all my scars and flaws show. With Noah, it all just feels right. It’s a connection that can’t be forced or replicated, and I’m not sure I’ll ever connect with someone the way I do with him, and I can’t believe this is it for us.
Maybe one day, somewhere, in another life, we’ll find each other, and he’d be the one I’d choose, and we’ll get to be together again.
I have to cling to that narrative in order to be able to do what we are about to do.
“That’s it, baby, let go. Come with me,” he rasps into my ear, and his words are the final push I need to fall off the cliff with him. My orgasm crashes through me at the same time as his. Sparks erupt behind my eyelids as my body shudders beneath him as he spills inside of me, filling me and I know that even long after he’s gone, they’ll be the evidence of what we have just done, and the idea of that, mixed with the pleasure tingling at the base of my spine makes it all so intense that tears prick my eyes as my body slowly loosens and relaxes as the orgasm slowly dissipates. I cup his jaw, and our uneven breathing is perfectly matched.
No words are needed; we both feel it. How do you say goodbye to someone who feels like they are the other half of you, but life has made it near impossible for you to make it work. How do you walk away from the one person who gets you in a way that no one else does? Regret creeps into my blood because I was a fool to believe I could say goodbye to this man and do it unscathed. But he’s leaving, and I’ll have to find a way to live without him again. After all, I’ve done it once, I can do it again, but this time I have a feeling it’s going to hurt a hell of a lot more.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Noah
I stare out the window of the plane, feeling like, once again, I’ve left a piece of my heart with Tori. The past few weeks have been a dream and a living nightmare all at once. No matter how long I go without seeing her, I still want her just as much as the time before. I’ll never be over Tori Walker, but I also know she’ll never be mine. It took every bit of strength to leave this morning. I wanted to tell her I’d give everything up for her if she wanted a life with me. But she’s happy, really happy, and I don’t want to fuck things up for her. I already feel like I ruined her life once because of Scotty; I can’t do it again. She’s not ready to commit to anything, and honestly, I’m not sure I am either. The fear of letting go of the only thing that has kept me from spiraling back into that dark place is terrifying. I know joining the special forces saved me, and ironically, grounded me. As much as I want Tori,sometimes the things we want aren’t right for us, no matter how desperately we want them.
God, this is such a mind fuck; to yearn for the one you can’t have because she belonged to someone who was like a brother to you. I think some part of my soul loved her before I even met her, but it didn’t matter that I saw her first because she washisfirst. I let my mind wander back to the very first time I ever saw Victoria Walker when I was twenty-one.
I pushed through the doors of The Hanger, the bar on base where we go to hang, and blow off some steam. I come here every Friday with the guys, and this evening, I need a whiskey on the rocks more than I need my next breath. Training was next level, and every muscle in my body aches.
I nod at fellow soldiers from the other units as I make my way to the bar, sliding onto the worn leather barstool. I lean my forearms against the bar, my gaze scanning the place looking for Jessica or Candace, the usual Friday night girls, but my focus is stolen by a petite brunette with eyes like a midnight sky and a smile that should come with a warning, who pops up from the bar like a jack-in-the-box.
“Hey, what can I get you?” Her accent screams North Carolina, and my eyes roam her body. Dressed in the uniform of tight denim jean shorts and a black waistcoat that outlined her curves perfectly, she was a walking hazard, because I had a feeling that one taste of this girl would ruin me.
“Hey, eyes up here, soldier,” She says, clicking her fingers with a bite of sass to her tone.
Oh, I like this girl.
“Sorry, I just haven’t seen you here before. Are you new?” I ask.
She nods. “First night on the job, so go easy on me.”
Oh, darlin’, I’d devour every bit of you.
I mentally chastise myself, but there is something about this girl that has me instantly attracted to her.
“What’s your name?” I ask.
“Victoria, but everyone calls me Tori.”
“Nice to meet you, Tori.” And for some reason, I reach out my hand for her to shake.
Smooth Noah.
“So formal. I like it. And does Mr. Formal have a name?”
“Noah, but you can call me anything you want darlin’.”
Where this confidence and bravado have come from only God knows, but there’s something about her.
She chuckles and playfully rolls her eyes, and I realize she still hasn’t released my hand . The warmth of her skin tingles up my arm, directly to my heart.
