The voice of the lead singer from the band distracts me from my thoughts. “Ladies and gentlemen, please make your way to the edge of the dancefloor, so we can welcome the new Mr. and Mrs. Russo onto the floor for their first dance.
We do as he asks and clap as Brad and Gabby take their position. Gabby has changed into a shorter, strapless version of her wedding dress and tied her hair up in a high ponytail. She still looks incredible. The band plays Aerosmith’s "I don’t want to miss a thing”,and my heart flutters. “I love this song,” I say so softly I’m not sure how anyone could have heard.
“Me too,” Noah whispers into my ear, startling me. It’s not long before Gabby is gesturing for everyone to join them. I watch as everyone takes to the dancefloor with their partners, and I turn to go back to my seat, but Noah blocks my path.
“Dance with me.” It’s not a question. I take his waiting hand, and he leads us out onto the floor near Harry and Ali.
“Hands where I can see them, Jones,” Harry teases, and I roll my eyes. He makes a point of placing one hand on my hip and one in my hand. Harry nods in approval and then whisks Ali away.
Noah and I sway to the music, and my heart is beating so fast I’m sure he can feel it through his jacket.
“Are you doing okay?” he asks. I tighten my grip on his shoulder, suddenly feeling a little dizzy.
“Yes, it’s been a beautiful day.”
“Are you sure?”
“It’s always hard being the single one at these things, right?”
“I get it,” Noah agrees.
“Do you think you would want this one day?” I glance over to Jack and Ria, who are dancing together with their girls.
“What marriage and kids?” he asks.
I nod.
“Yeah, well, I used to. Now my job keeps me busy, and for now, that’s enough. What about you?”
I shake my head. “Maybe marriage, one day, but the family thing, no.” Admitting that out loud hurts more than I care to acknowledge. When I had my miscarriage, I couldn’t bear the idea of going through it again. No, that time in my life is a memory I never care to unlock or repeat.
Noah stays silent, and we continue to sway to the music. “I don’t think I’ve told you how incredible you look today.” I’m thankful for the subject change. His hand drifts to the small of my back, sending tingles up my spine.
“Thank you, a tux looks good on you. Is there anything you can’t wear well?” I ask, smirking.
“Hmmm, I don’t think so, I think you either have it, or you don’t.” I tap his chest playfully and laugh.
“I love watching you laugh,” he says softly, his eyes focusing on my lips. I clear my throat as the song ends, and I wait for him to release me, but he doesn’t. ”Purple rain” begins, and Noah pulls me into him.
“When do you leave again?” I ask, not really wanting to know the answer but needing to on some level.
“I have been called up earlier than expected, so I leave early tomorrow.”
“For how long?”
“Six months.” My stomach tightens, a wave of nausea hitting me at the thought of not seeing him for six months, maybe even longer. We have spent so much time together the past few weeks while I’ve been in the States; it’s felt like the old days. Easyconversations, finishing each other's sentences, and the way he knows exactly what I need without having to say.
“I’m going to miss you,” I admit.
“I’m going to miss you more, darlin’.” He rests his head on mine, and I melt into his body as we move with the music, getting lost in the moment. It feels like only he and I exist right now.
I can feel my heart breaking before it’s even had a chance to love. I want him, but I don’t want that life. I can’t do it again, so I’ll have to settle for quietly longing for him and wishing things could be different. But I am desperate to be his for a final time. Once is an accident, twice is a choice, and three times… that was a habit, and falling into Noah’s arms was a habit I needed to break because it wasn’t fair, and Noah deserves better than what I can give him. I need to let my head lead the way instead of my heart. But we do have tonight. I think we will always be a little more than friends, but it can’t be much more than that.
“I can’t stop thinking about last night,” I murmur against his chest, shocking myself at my bravery.
“Me either. Looking at you today in this dress has been killing me slowly.”
“I don’t want to ruin our friendship, Noah. Not speaking to you for all those years was hard,” I admit.
