“Noah, I can’t do this,” I declare, backing away from the edge of the cliff.
“Tor, come on. It feels higher when you’re up here.”
I look at him deadpan. “It’s as high as it looks and feels.”
I shake my hands, the fear rising in my body, my legs about to give out on me. The breeze whips through my hair, and I pacearound in a circle, contemplating this decision to come here and do this.
For God's sake, Trent. Cliff diving, really? You had to have this on your life list?
“Remember why you are doing this,” Noah says.
I throw my hands in the air, yelling. “Right now, I’m struggling to remember why. The man really did love to live life on the edge, didn’t he?” I take slow steps towards the edge again, and my stomach bottoms out when I look at the white foam of the water splashing against the cliff.
Noah stands beside me and looks down too. “He really did.”
“Maybe we should just go find a motel and call it a night,” I mutter, heading towards the truck. Noah follows, hot on my heels, and I break into a slow jog. When Noah picks up speed, I run.
“Are you kidding me?” he chokes out, trying to contain his laughter. I almost make it to the truck when Noah scoops me up and tosses me over his shoulder. A high-pitched squeal explodes from my chest as he spins us and makes his way back towards the edge.
“Put me down,” I cry out, hitting his back with my palms playfully
“Either you’re jumping with me, or I’m throwing you in. Got it?” He tries to sound stern, but I can hear the humor in his tone.
“Oooh, sir, yes, sir,” I mock. He stops, placing me down on my feet and gripping me by the waist to steady me, his eyes ablaze and jaw tight, causing my breath to tumble back down my throat when he presses his body against mine.
“Calling me sir is going to get you in a heap of trouble.”
“Oh, yeah?” I challenge feeling a current of excitement zap through me. My hands reach out to touch him, and the grip he has on my waist becomes almost painful.
His chest rises and falls, and the heat and tension he’s holding in his body radiate off him. I am pulled toward him in a way I can’t understand, yet it feels natural.
“Yeah,” he says on a ragged breath.
His face moves closer to mine, and my eyes flutter shut as I hold my breath, waiting for him to kiss me, but it never comes, and I’m left wondering if I’ve just read the situation all wrong.
“We should do this before it gets dark.” I can hear the stiffness in his tone, implying that maybe he does feel whatever this is too. I open my eyes and nod in agreement.
“Yes,” I say, stepping out of his hold at the cliff edge.
I exhale deeply, removing my sweatshirt before I change my mind. Next to go are my denim shorts, leaving me standing in my light blue swimsuit. I turn to see Noah in nothing but his boxer briefs; his jeans and sweatshirt a crumpled mess on the floor beside mine.
Jesus, he looks good. Too good.
Every inch of him is chiseled and defined. The sea of inked artwork scattered over his chest has me drawn in, the same way it did last night, but a scroll of black over his heart catches my eye. I didn’t notice it last night; it was too dark to see.
I step forward, and without thinking, I trace the pad of my index finger over the letters and speak them out loud. “Memento Vivere.”
Remember to live.
The same words that are engraved into the compass necklace he gave me.
“We all need a reminder to keep living. This is mine,” Noah says, as if he can read my mind. His hand covers mine, where it rests above his beating heart. My free hand reaches to clasp the necklace I haven’t taken off since he gave it to me. The weight of his gesture sinks in, knowing the very words he chose to ink over his heart hang round my neck are a daily reminder to keep livingwhen the days feel unbearable. It catches me off guard. But, like I always do, I won’t allow myself to really think about the significance of it. He’s my friend; I shouldn’t be looking at him like this, feeling this way about him. I’m just confused, latching on to Noah because he feels safe. He’s familiar and the closest thing I have to Trent, who’s still breathing.
I drop my hand and take a step back, needing to create some distance, so I can catch my breath. I look up at the sky, taking in the sun now setting, creating an orange glow above us.
I close my eyes and picture Trent. I picture his wide grin, his messy blond hair, and his laugh that could brighten anyone’s day.
I love you. I miss you. I wish you could be here with me to do this.
