“Victoria, hi, I’m Doctor Allen. I’m here to discuss your care plan going forward. Is it okay to discuss with your, um…” She gestures to me, but I don’t give Tori the opportunity to answer. I don’t want to put her in that position to make a choice and make her feel bad when she asks me to leave.
I lean over and scoop up the playing cards. “It’s okay, I need to head out anyway.”
Without thinking, I lean down and press a kiss to Tori’s forehead and whisper, “I’ll stop by tomorrow.”
She nods in understanding, and I give the Doctor a polite smile before slipping out of the room, hating that I needed to leave her.
“Noah?” I look up to see Harry walking toward me, holding two takeout cups.
“Are you leaving?” he asks before sipping his coffee. He looks tired.
“Yeah, the doctor is in there with her now.” I gesture with my thumb toward Tori’s room.
“Thanks for today, it uh…” His voice cracks, and he worries his bottom lip. I clamp a hand down on his shoulder, and he exhales.
“I know. Anytime, okay? You call, I’ll be here. For both of you.”
“Thanks,” he says quietly. “Jack and Brad are coming into town tonight and want to stop by tomorrow. It would be good if we could all get together, maybe for some drinks.”
“Sounds good. I’ll be in town if you need me at the base,” I confirm.
We part ways, and I make my way out to the parking lot. The truth is, this town is the closest thing I have to a home. I stayed at the base here in Greendale Hills because I didn’t have a home; I hadn’t since I left home and joined the Marines. This became my home, and aside from my sister, these men became my family, and I guess now Tori too. When I was younger, I didn’t like the idea of settling in one place. Settling felt like being stuck. My whole life was spent stuck in a home with a mother who preferred men and drink to her own children. I vowed, when I could get out, I’d always be moving. I swore I’d never stay stuck, even if that meant I spent my life running, and military life kept me moving, but now I feel like I might have a few reasons to start slowing down.
Chapter Fourteen
Tori
They want to send me away. They said it will help. But it just feels like they want to get rid of me. The doctor suggested some intense therapy, equine therapy specifically. She thinks time spent outdoors and with animals will help me connect with my feelings.
My mom, dad, and brother sat in the room with the doctor and told them how withdrawn I had become, how I had been lying about how I had been feeling. I’d never felt so betrayed. I wanted to cry and scream at them. I feel like no one understands how I’m feeling. Everyone wants me to talk, but it’s the last thing I want to do. I just want to forget. I want to block it all out for a little while. It feels too painful to think about.
The only light relief I have had from this never-ending heartache was when Noah came and visited yesterday. For a fewhours, I was just me. We didn’t do anything crazy; we didn’t talk about much. It was just simple, easy. A game of cards and some vending machine snacks, but it felt normal, and I am yearning for that feeling again. I understand everyone is worried about me, but I just need them to let me deal with this in my own way.
I’ll be in here for a few more days until the doctors determine I am not a danger to myself. I don’t really know why I kept taking the pills. I just wanted to have a break from the heaviness. I didn’t want to die. I just wanted some peace.
The door opens, and Noah enters, holding another bunch of flowers. He’s dressed in dark blue jeans, boots, and a black tee, and a calmness washes over me.
“Hey,” I say.
“I thought I’d mix it up today.” He places the flowers on the bed. Today’s bouquet is a mixture of large daisies and yellow tulips, and I can’t help but smile looking at them. Yellows and greens are fast becoming my new favorite colors. I have hated looking at flowers since the funeral. Everywhere I looked, it was all red and blue. I don’t think I’ll ever look at those colors in the same way again.
“Thank you,” I say. He reaches into his back pocket and tosses the pack of playing cards and a box of Super Sour Patch Kids.
“Super sour? Are you trying to blow my head off?” I giggle.
He grins mischievously, and it makes my stomach flutter a little when he winks.
“Maybe.”
My cheeks heat, and I’m sure I am the color of crimson. I shuffle back on the bed, leaving some space for him to sit on the end.
“You look more like you today,” he says as he begins shuffling the cards.
I look down and fiddle with the hem of my navy top. I took what felt like the best shower of my life last night. I washed myhair, applied some moisturizer, and even a spritz of perfume. The doctor was right about one thing: taking care of myself will help me start to feel a little better.
“Thanks. I thought it was about time I made an effort,” I joke.
Noah stops shuffling and looks up at me. “Tor, you’d look beautiful wearing a trash bag. I meant you. Your eyes… you’ve got a little sparkle back today.”
