“You got her in the carrier?”
“Sure did. I read in that baby book I took with me that skin to skin helps the bonding process.” And if my heart wasn’t already melting and my ovaries aching for baby number two with him, it sure as hell is now.
How did I get so lucky?
Faith sleeps soundly, curled up on Noah’s chest, looking like the most content little lady in the world. I think she is the luckiest little girl to have a man like Noah as her dad, and I have never been more grateful and felt more at peace than in this moment. We may not have gotten the beginning I craved, but we have the now and the future I have dreamed of. I stare at Noah and Faith. Noah has a protective hand on her back at all times, and the other hand is looking through the keepsake box I made for my pregnancy, and I think I could stay lost in this moment forever. It feels normal, calm, and perfect.
I rest my head against his bicep and smile and point to the Polaroid photo.
“I took that one a few days before she was born. The little lady couldn’t wait, so I never got to take a 9-month photo.”
He smiles and then focuses on the next photo. It’s the one that Ria took as we cuddled up on the couch after Noah turned up. We both look exhausted, but it will forever be my favourite photo because it was the moment we became a family.
It’s crazy to think about everything that’s happened. But I’d do it all again, all the heartbreak, all the pain, all the years I spent loving him silently. I’d do it all again if this was what was waiting for me at the end. Then it hits me, realization settling in. Maybe that was the whole point. Maybe this is where I was always meant to end up.
Noah glances my way and gives me that megawatt smile that won me over right from the start.
“You okay, darlin’?”
“I was just thinking.”
“Oh yeah, care to share?” he asks, his eyebrow arching.
I place my hand over the one he has on Faith’s back and lock my eyes with his. “You know, you once said that if everything we’ve been through led to this, you’d do whatever you could to get it?”
His face softens as he breathes in my words.
“So would I. I’d go through it all if I knew that I got you and Faith at the end of it.”
Noah leans in, presses a chaste kiss to my lips before he murmurs two words that steal my breath and make my heart unsteady.
“Marry me?”
“What did you say?” I gasp.
“Marry me, Tori. This wasn’t how I planned to do it. There was meant to be a ring and a big grand gesture, but I can’t wait another day. My life flashed before my eyes on that deployment, and every part of it had you in it. I’ve waited a lifetime to love you loudly, and I can’t wait a minute more. No matter where I went, what country I was in, or how many years we were apart, every road I took has led me back to you. So, please, marry me, darlin’, and spend forever with me?”
I didn’t need to think about my answer; it was as simple and as easy as breathing.
“Yes.”
Epilogue
Tori
One year later.
The smell of fresh flowers hangs in the air, and the silence brings me a sense of calm. I have avoided this place as best I could, only visiting a couple of times over the years. I hated coming here, hated the thought of him being in the ground and unable to reach for him, see him, talk to him. But maybe that’s because I was very much in the depths of my grief when I would visit. Most of the time, I couldn’t get past the gate. I was holding on to my anger and sadness like a badge of honor. I truly believed that the sadder I was, the more it proved the lengths of my love anddevotion for Trent, but now I’ve healed, I know that wasn’t the case.
Grief isn’t linear; there is no right way to heal, and I did the best I could. We should give ourselves grace when we are forced to handle a situation that we haven’t been able to prepare for, and even then, no amount of preparation could truly prepare you for losing someone you love.
I reach Trent’s grave, the headstone looking a little worn now as the years have gone by. I place the bouquet of daisies in front and sit down on the warm grass, clutching the envelope between my shaky fingers.
I have avoided this conversation for too long, and so before we pack up and leave this small town for good and with my wedding just weeks away, it feels like the right time to have it.
“Hey, Trent, I’m sorry I haven’t been here much. It just felt too hard, you know?”
I clear my throat, feeling embarrassed and silly that I am sitting here, talking to the empty space, but I know in my heart that he can hear me.
