“So, are you?” Great, now you are picking up on Castello’s tricks and asking the cryptic questions.
“Am I gay?” Castello pointed to himself, “I can go both ways. I prefer guys, I always have. But she got pregnant, and I did the right thing, married her, then deployed to Iraq two weeks later. Rourke was two years old before I saw him outside of a photograph.”
“Ouch,” Axel winced, “That’s rough.”
“More on Rourke and even Mari, than me,” Castello finally walked around the couch and rested his hands on the back, looking down at Axel.
Axel tipped his head back to watch Castello’s face as he spoke. He didn’t understand why Castello was telling him all the added extras, but there was no way in hell he was going to tell him to stop.
“I was protected from a lot of it,” Castello’s hands moved as he talked, sweeping back and forth across the back of the couch, “I learned to shut everything off, to lock shit down. She would ask me if I missed her, I’d say
‘sure, I think about you all the time.’ The reality is over there,” Castello’s fingers tangled into Axel’s hair, lightly tugging at the stands as he threaded his fingers through them. “All you think about is, does that truck approaching the gate have a bomb onboard, or if that person in a burka is really a suicide bomber. You live for your team, your brothers. They become your family.”
Crouching slightly so he could rest his elbows on the rear of the couch, he brought his head closer to Axel’s head. “And when you do what we do, life back here is something you pull out of your memory box at night just to try and keep the nightmares you saw throughout the day from invading your dreams.”
“Do you regret it?” Axel had often heard about people’s hearts aching when they heard stories of someone’s past. He had never experienced it before, never understood it. But damn it, for Castello, his heart hurt.
“What part of it?”
“Any of it?” Axel could feel Castello’s breath on his neck. Knew by the prickling feeling that he was getting goosebumps along his skin.
“Rourke? Hell no.” Castello was too busy watching how Axel’s Adam’s apple dipped as he swallowed a sip from his beer bottle, to notice that his thumb was now stroking the skin in the sensitive spot behind Axel’s ear.
“Going to war to fight for my country, also no, I’d do it again in a heartbeat.
The only thing I would change is how I let Mari have all the say on where and how she lived. I would have had folks at base check on her and Rourke more.”
Axel reached up with one hand, he wasn’t sure if he had been going to pat or rub Castello’s hand, or what effect he had been going for, but somehow their fingers ended up tangled together in his hair. Axel tilted his head to ease the pull on his scalp, his eyes locking with Castello’s. How the fuck had he not known that he was staring at him? He swallowed hard when
Castello leaned over the arm of the couch to press his lips to Axel’s, upside down. Before Castello could pull away, Axel wrapped a hand around his neck. Not holding him in place but letting him know he wanted him to stay.
Axel opened his mouth against Castello’s, licking his tongue along his lip, pulling him deeper into the kiss.
With a soft noise of surprise, Castello allowed Axel to lead. As much as his instincts pushed for him to take over, he somehow knew he needed to allow Axel to be the one to decide. Axel drew the kiss out, catching Castello’s lip between his teeth, teasing with little flicks of his tongue until Castello growled. He chased Axel’s tongue, leaning over with a palm pushed into the cushions, Axel pressing up against him as if he couldn’t get enough.
A soft noise filtered into his brain, telling him there was someone behind him. He just couldn’t find it in himself to give a shit and look to see who it was.
Castello broke the kiss, panting slightly against Axel’s mouth, surprised at Axel's small noise of protest. “Any other questions for tonight?” His voice was more breathless than he’d ever admit to, and his dick was hard as a rock.
Axel’s fingers stroking around his neck was making him crazy.
“Come lie down with me?” Axel’s lips brushed against Castello’s as he spoke, and Castello caught them in one more lingering kiss before pulling back and moving around the arm of the couch. He pulled Axel to his feet,
“Your room?” Taking Axel’s almost empty beer bottle he placed both on the coffee table. “Mine is kinda full.”
“Yeah, it kinda is,” Axel snorted, “C’mon. We can sleep a bit, k?”
“Yeah.” Suddenly Castello could feel the weight of multiple back-to-back missions. He was damn tired. He didn’t even have the energy to figure out why the fuck his body had decided it was safe to sleep in the same bed as Axel. Nope, argh, who was he kidding. He’d not been exactly truthful with Axel earlier, or maybe it was with himself. He was a warrior, that bit was true. What wasn’t was that he didn’t want or need a home to come back to, with someone waiting just for him. Someone who loved him for him and not because of what they could get from him. He knew Axel needed his help.
Had known it since his stomach clenched when he’d seen the man take that first punch in The Congo. He just hoped it might be different. Don’t bet on it,the wary side of him warned.You have been down this stupid road before. Befucking careful.
Castello didn’t even look at the room, didn’t need to. All he saw was
Axel crawling into bed in his boxers. Castello swiftly stripped down to his skivvies and settled on his side next to him. Axel’s arm wrapped under his neck and around his back to pull him close. Castello slung his own arm over Axel’s stomach and pressed a kiss to his neck. Axel tightened his hold in an impromptu hug and asked, “You okay?” But all he got in response was a soft snore. Castello was out for the count. Fast asleep.
***
“Boss?” A soft knock at the door woke Castello. He jerked upright, reaching for his gun. Confusion when he couldn’t find it in its normal spot under the pillow had him looking around the room. “Fuck.” Memories of that toe-curling kiss last night slammed into him. He scanned the room looking for Axel. Nope, he was alone. Planting his hand on the bed he scooted upward. The crinkling of paper as he moved made him throw back the covers until he found the scrap of paper between the pillow and his side.Huh?
