Ian nudged Rowena forward, embracing the pain in his tired thigh muscles. Anything to get Lane out of his line of sight.
“We could start fresh,” Lane continued, raising his voice as Ian drew several paces ahead. “You could choose a new name. I would never betray you!”
When he had placed a comfortable distance between them, Ian relaxed his seat again.
Yes, Lane was jesting. But a small part of Ian wanted exactly what the man was suggesting. He did want to run away...No.
No, that was something that hehadwanted.
He was surprised to find he no longer did. He had made his decision, and there was no turning back. He was Ian Sirilian, Crown Prince of Iseldis, and he would not spend another moment leaving his people—and his family—at the mercy of a cruel and manipulative usurper.
He’d spent his whole life taking the intellectual route. Weighing every option, gaining every counsel, choosing the just path forward with the least amount of risk and harm to all involved.
And he had tried to fight against Gareth the same way.
Now, he had nothing left but himself. He had exhausted every safe option. He was his own last hope.
There’sa girl in the woods who commands from the trees.
Lane’s voicebellowed out from behind him, singing nonsense words to a tavern tune Ian was familiar with.
She won’t robyou blind, only half if you please.
Ian urged Rowena forward again.He did not want to hear songs about Robin.
She’ll vanishlike smoke when the soldiers draw near,
And leave nothing behind but an arrow and fear.
It was something Erich would do, intentionally poke at him to rouse him from dire thoughts. But as much as Ian appreciated the attempt, he refused to look back at his traveling companion.
He did not want to be roused from his thoughts. He wanted to think about Robin, to imagine her standing there, watching him leave.
While he hated to admit it, even to himself, the real reason he had not turned around to look at her one last time was because he was a coward.
He had been too afraid to turn around and see that she was not watching him.
He loved her.
He always had. The pure feelings of his young love all those years ago had never been fleeting. He loved her fierce independence, the way that she tried so hard to do things on her own. He loved the way she challenged him, first with her unexpected swordsmanship, and then the way she had stood up to his father.
It had never even occurred to him to question his father. Frederich was a kind father and a just king; he was the person Ian idolized and emulated. When Robin had challenged him, Ian had started to think for himself. To analyze his father’s decisionsand start to make up his own mind about the actions he would take when he became king. Even after she left.
And then, in these last sevennights, she had continued to challenge him. With her thoughts and plans and her network of Majis supporters and her ridiculous but effective loan system that had kept entire villages afloat during years of storms and low crop yields.
He loved her clever ideas and passionate pursuit of what she thought was right.
He loved the way that every muscle in her body relaxed when she leaned against him. As though, somehow, just being with him brought her some relief from the responsibility and grief of fighting a doomed fight.
At least he hoped that was what she had been feeling. Because in those moments when she had relaxed against him, he had felt like everything was finally worth it. Just by being in her presence, he could be just Ian. Not the crown prince. Not the hope of an entire kingdom. Not the person who had to have all the answers and lead with confidence despite having never done this before and not seeing a clear path forward.
It was like she saw him in a way that only his direct family members ever had. Only, his familyhadto love him. She chose to.
And he knew, if he had turned around for that one final look and seen her already turned away, it would have broken something irreparable inside of him. He had already watched her leave him once. He could not bear to see her turn away from him.
And he knew her. She had made her values incredibly clear, over and over. Surely, she had not watched him for more than a moment before her mind had been consumed by her own responsibilities and she had turned back to find another person to help.
So he had ridden away without looking back.
