She nodded.
He leaned forward on the stool, reaching out his hand to encompass hers.
She twisted her wrist so that it was her hand that supported his. “I do understand. And I still want to know you. This version of you. I know this is hard, and it feels hopeless. But it is the same fight that I have fought every day, season after season.”
His face was closer to hers now that he had leaned forward. She could see the emptiness in his eyes, the desperation as he searched her face for something worth holding on to.
She squeezed his hand. “I do not know if this is a fight that I can ever win, but I will not stop trying to fight it.”
“Are you speaking of Gareth?” he asked.
She shook her head. “I think I am speaking of much more than Gareth.” She smiled, glancing away. Sharing the raw feeling in his gaze felt like drifting through an unfamiliar sea, but the touch of his hand anchored her. She needed to return to a place she understood. “We have new information now. I will not stop trying to follow the plan—I will adjust it and move forward.”
“Tell me what to do, and I will do it.” His face still held no hope, but he was choosing to fight anyway.
She wanted to give him hope, to give him a reason to keep fighting. But she had nothing else to offer, and he was giving her more than he had to give. “Go find me some parchment and ink.”
Ian stood, tugging his hand away from her.
She held on to it, running her thumb in circles over the soft spot between the side of his wrist and his littlest finger. “Then come back and rest here to ensure I do not leave this bed.”
Chapter 39
Having grown up in the capital city of Iseldis, Ian had thought he knew every street and shop inside of it.
Robin, arm in a sling, had ridden with him as planned, then led him down a side street near the main square just behind Mistress Cedrice’s sewing shop.
Ian was surprised when she stopped at a small storefront he had never noticed before. He did not need the golden loaves in the window to tell him that this was a bakery, as he could smell the enticing aroma of freshly baked bread from down the street.
Inside, the shop itself consisted of a small countertop, a few shelves, and a large brick oven that took up most of the back wall. “I thought I knew all the best places in Iseldis to get the best bread, but if this smell is any indication, I may have been missing one.”
“If you continue spending time with me, I believe we could find many things in this city you are unaware of.” Robin walked across the bakery without hesitation, stepping behind the counter and opening a door in the back wall beside the oven.
“Is that an invitation?” Ian’s chest warmed at the idea of exploring the city with Robin as he followed her across the room.
“Tarrow knows me,” Robin said, stopping in the open doorway to look back at Ian.
“I meant about exploring the city,” he explained, not stopping his forward movement until he had physically run into her to nudge her gently through the door.
“Oh, that.” Robin’s voice was unexpectedly flat. She looked away, standing to the side so he could enter the room behind the bakery.
“Or perhaps these are things you should not be showing me,” Ian said, realizing he may have been more excited about the prospect than she was.
“Perhaps they are things I should have shown you long ago,” she said, turning back toward him. She leaned closer to him as she closed the door behind him.
The warmth in Ian’s chest was so intense it seemed to increase the speed of his heart. He did not breathe for fear of blowing air into her face.
She was so close. Her hand was still on the door handle even though the door was fully closed, but she did not back away. They had not spoken closely since Ian had shared his hopelessness with her the previous day. Aden and Isa had traveled to the city with them, so they’d had no more privacy to discuss anything further. Not that Ian knew what he wanted to discuss, as it had been hard enough to share his dark thoughts with her the first time.
Her eyes searched his face, for what he did not know.
A voice sounded from somewhere up the staircase in the small space. “I will be with you in a moment!” The woman spoke again just as she appeared. “Oh, Robin, it’s you.” The jovial look on her face instantly tightened to a more serious expression. “Come in. Come in.”
Ian hastily stepped back, the moment with Robin broken. He schooled his face to hide the racing of his heart.
But he needn’t have. The woman walked between them as though they had separated for her benefit alone and opened the door into the shop front.
After locking the front door so that no other visitors could enter, she grabbed a loaf from the warming shelf and walked back toward them.
