Stop.
Do not go there.
‘Hey, ladies. Good to see you.’ The woman behind the counter beamed at them – Jo, if he remembered correctly. Her display of baked goods was nothing short of seductive.
‘Hi, Jo.’ Janette cackled. ‘We’ve brought fresh meat, but no’ tae fill one of your legendary Scotch pies.’
Kieran lifted a hand. ‘Hi. I’m Kieran. Moved into the cottage next to Brae.’
Jo’s smile widened.
‘Jo’s husband is a famous actor,’ Janette announced, pointing at an iced bun. ‘Star of that dark showChasing Shadows– not my cup of tea – and that other one … what’s it called again, Jo?’
‘Dad To Me,’ Jo said proudly. ‘He’s away filming the next series.’
They placed their orders. Kieran chose a Gruyère and leek quiche and a decaf latte, because regular coffee might nuke his nervous system at this point.
He settled at a corner table. Janette scanned the room as if conducting surveillance.
‘Shame Wilma’s not here,’ she said. ‘Not technically a local, but she’s Jinnie’s gran and an absolute hoot. Late eighties and shacked up with a younger man.’
‘Notthatmuch younger,’ Alison said drily. ‘Before Kieran thinks she’s robbing the cradle.’
Kieran sampled his quiche. Good. Too good, in fact. If he wasn’t careful, he’d get used to this level of civilisation.
The bell jingled.
‘Speak of the devil. Here’s Wilma hersel’, and Jinnie.’
Kieran looked up.
Jinnie beamed. ‘We meet again!’ Beside her stood a tiny woman with sharp blue eyes and a mischievous smile. ‘Kieran, this is my gran, Wilma.’
Wilma inspected him as if she was reading his soul. ‘There’s an aura of sadness about you, laddie. Dark purple, with a hint of magenta.’
Kieran blinked. Twice.
Jinnie groaned. ‘Gran, please. Not the colour stuff again. I preferred you with the tea leaves.’
A full-body shudder rippled through him. He had no time for crystals, colours, or psychic grannies. Butaura of sadnesshit too near the mark.
‘Ignore her,’ Jinnie said brightly. ‘She’s going through a phase.’
‘Less of the phase.’ Wilma sniffed. ‘There are things in this world that defy explanation. Right, Jo?’
Jo, who was wiping down a table, launched into a spectacular coughing fit.
Jinnie buried her face in her hands. Alison continued eating her almond slice without comment.
Kieran decided he’d had enough village initiation for one day. ‘Well, this has been … lovely, but I’ve work to do.’
He stood, headed for the till, slapped down enough cash to cover the lot and made for the door faster than was polite.
‘See you soon, Kieran!’ Janette hollered.
‘Let me know if you need your aura analysed!’ Wilma called after him.
When hell freezes over,Kieran thought.
