A polite laugh. He ploughed gamely on. When the final pun limped home, the applause was generous.
Kieran appeared at Beth’s elbow, mouth tilted. ‘He shouldn’t quit the day job.’
‘He already did,’ Beth murmured, lips twitching.
Then timid Peggy took the stage and slid into a silken ‘My Baby Just Cares for Me’ that turned heads and raised eyebrows.
‘That wisnae on my bingo card,’ Wilma told Beth as Ed called a short break. ‘Gus, you can do Shirley Bassey next.’
Gus guffawed. ‘Come on, grub’s up.’
Kieran nudged Beth. ‘You’re not tempted? Chef by day, stand-up sensation by night?’
‘Cranley does not need a set about bin bags and bain-maries,’ Beth said. ‘Trust me.’
‘But you said you had material for days.’ He widened his eyes, his expression mock-pleading. ‘Let it out.’
‘Some things are better left unsaid,’ Beth replied, softening. ‘And I need to check on Rose.’
Ed introduced a ruddy-cheeked stranger in tartan trews. ‘This is Kenny, visiting from his usual hostelry, with some poetry.’
Kenny recited ‘Love Is a Loch Ness Monster’, which went downhill atAberdeenand bottomed out atduvet.
Janette cupped her hands. ‘Kenny, that was crap, but at least it rhymed!’
The Texans whooped like he’d won a Grammy. Melinda announced, ‘We hope to see the Loch Ness monster!’
Wilma muttered, ‘You willnae find him in Aberdeen, hen.’
Beth escaped to the loo, splashed her face, reached for paper towels – and froze as a voice slid silkily through her thoughts.
It’s your turn, darling.
‘Go away,’ she hissed at the mirror. ‘I’m not getting on that stage.’
Party pooper. Ooh, look who’s up next.
Beth burst back into the bar. Kieran stood at the mic, dazed, as the intro to ‘Can’t Take My Eyes Off You’ swelled. The house lights dipped, a soft spotlight bloomed, and Kieran caught Beth’s eye and gestured for her to join him. Within seconds she was beside him, bathed in its glow, like a coin drawn to a magnet.
He sang – nervous, true, a shade off-key but with feeling – and the crowd melted. Beth felt a spark as their eyes met and lingered, making the world fade away for a moment.
When the last ‘I love you, baby’ died, the pub erupted. Wolf-whistles, whoops, someone bellowing, ‘Get a room!’
Kieran angled the mic away, looking at her. ‘Maybe the universe is trying to tell us something.’
‘Or maybe the universe needs to mind its own business,’ Beth said, but her mouth wouldn’t behave and kept trying to smile.
Kieran lifted the mic again. ‘OK, hear me out, folks. I think the chef should get up and do a turn. For me.’
Terror fizzed. So did something that wasn’t terror.
From somewhere near the back stairs, a whisper curled like smoke.Do it, darling. I’ll make sure you shine brighter than a fireworks display at Hogmanay.
Beth exhaled. ‘Fine. But if I die of embarrassment, you’re paying for the funeral buffet.’
Kieran spun to face the room. ‘Ladies and gents, the chef herself. Beth Calder!’
Foot-stamps. Cheers.
